Top 10 Things Ronnie Radke Can Do While Under House Arrest
Fans of justice, rejoice! Because, that totally innocent-except-for-that-whole-pleading-guilty-in-court-thing Ronnie Radke is up for parole and may be headed for house arrest! Or at least, that’s the word on the blog for his new band Falling In Reverse, formerly known as From Behind These Walls. I guess maybe they realized that band name pretty much failed at anything resembling subtlety?
Anyway, yes. Ronnie will be on house arrest. But as we all know, the last time Ronnie was sentenced to something restrictive but not actually jail, he didn’t last very long. So, here’s a list of some suggestions of things he can do while on house arrest to keep history from repeating itself!
10) Turn an old Delorean into a time machine so he can go back in time and warn himself not to be friends with Max Green because he’s the sort of guy who’ll turn on you just because you stole money from your band to buy drugs and then set up a fight someone was shot to death. What a douchebag!
9) Learn how to drive an ambulance since he’s already perfected driving the WAAAAAAAAAAAH-mbulance.
Thank you to xblanksface for the macro.
8) Watch a hell of a lot of Star Trek: The Next Generation
7) Cosplay as his character from World of Warcraft. All the time. And start talking in character as well.
6) Re-enact his favorite episodes of The Simpsons. His Mr. Burns is SPOT ON, folks!
5) Finally figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. He may need help counting that high.
4) Hunt down this journal and leave comments about what a bitch I am for writing it and how awesome he is. In fact, I’m just going to assume any comments along those lines WERE made by Ronnie so I can feel all kinds of special about being insulted online by a minor level scene celebrity/convict.
3) Follow these sage words of advice: Not going anywhere for awhile? Grab a Snickers!
2) Rewrite The Man in the Iron Mask to be about the totally innocent and hot Prince of France, who really loves all of his hot female subjects, who is wrongly imprisoned and replaced by an impostor to the throne by the name of Schmaig Schmabbit. (Wait, that’s not very French. Okay, Schmaig LE Schmabbit.) He will be posting it to his MySpace and if he doesn’t get 20 reviews on each chapter, he won’t post the next one!!!!!!1!
1) Who are we kidding? He’ll be on house arrest for a week before he’s drinking, doing drugs and running from the cops again.
Leave me your hate, Buzznet. It is my ambrosia.