Because I DON’T want to be played by Brittany Murphy, THAT’S why!

So occasionally you have those moments where you get the feeling of “HOLY SHIT! MY LIFE’S A MOVIE!”

Well, maybe you don’t. But I do.

Anyway, I lean towards my life being one of two genres: action or suspense/thriller. Okay, and sci-fi gets in there too. Horror…actual horror. Not tits-and-gore.

Which is all well and good. But sometimes I get pulled into the casts of my friend’s movies.

And sometimes that means I’m caught as the sidekick in a romantic comedy.

That’s when I start screaming.

I demand a recasting or I walk!

Look, I’ll level with you. For the most part, I hate romantic comedies. To me they are some of the most insipid, mindless, moronic films made. Actually, I think if you ever had a romantic comedy directed by Uwe Boll, it would end up being the worst movie in the history of film. Possibly worse than Manos: The Hand of Fate.

My issue with romantic comedies is that the idea is always the same: a girl NEEDS to find a man so her life is COMPLETE and then she MEETS one and there’s WACKY ADVENTURES and in the end she LEARNS SOMETHING about herself.

Or, the ever popular variation: girl doesn’t WANT to fall in love but DOES ANYWAY and then she needs to learn to LET LOVE INTO HER LIFE because that’s what YOU DO.


Overall, it’s the idea that the most important thing a woman can do with her life is to find a man after having wacky adventures. And that even the most intelligent woman becomes a total moron ditz when presented with a man. And that men are all either THE ONE or NOT THE ONE.


Recently, I’ve been caught in the orbit of a friend who’s life is, as she describes it, a Cameron Diaz movie. And she’s trying to get out of it. Because that’s not the movie she wants to be in.

And frankly, I have no desire to play the back up friend in a rom-com if for no other reason than the fact that if that’s true? I CAN’T BE PLAYED BY MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ.

Okay, so I’m also not Latina and gorgeous. But still, you get the idea.

And the worst part is, we’ve got another friend who seems to be cooking up all the rom-com schemes to help “Cameron” get over her current ex that she’s still into. And yeah, I don’t think they should get back together, but I don’t think getting her another man or making her choose between her friends and her boyfriend are the right answers.

So while my one friend frets over her ex and the other friend tries to play matchmaker while finding love herself, I’m wondering why the HELL my life can’t be a little less “The Wedding Planner” and a little more “Blue Crush.”

Because really, I’d take a mediocre chick surfing flick over a mediocre “MUST FIND LOVE NOW OMG” film. Yeah, there’s the meeting of a guy along the way, but hey. At least Kate Bosworth gets to surf circles around her boyfriend in that one.