The 2 Worst Things that Have Happened on ‘Toddlers in Tiaras’ This Season

So, in case you haven’t noticed, the end of the world is happening all around us. Evidence of this fact can be seen every Wednesday at 10 o’clock on TLC’s Toddlers in Tiaras.

If my gallery of 29 Creepy Toddlers in Tiaras didn’t completely convince you that the mothers of these poor souls were out of line, then what I am about to show you surely will.

When attempting to win the crown of Little Miss Jubilee Nacho Supreme Fairy Princess or whatever, you must come up with a good theme. You know, dress your little miss up as an adorable little cowgirl in boots. A little hula girl with a grass skirt. The hooker with a heart of gold from Pretty Woman. Wait, what?! Yes. There is a deranged lunatic out there somewhere who dressed up her little girl as the BEFORE version of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Remember? The part when she gets dirty looks from all the Rodeo Drive ladies and tells them that they made a big mistake? HUGE?

Go ahead and watch the footage below, it really happened:

While this outfit does appear to be a bargain compared to most of the glitz costumes, I’d say the price of a little girl’s spiritual integrity may be worth more than a pound of rhinestones. Speaking of rhinestones! That leads us to our next sad, sad example of both child pageantry and my obsession with watching it. 4-year-old Maddy has been Stockholm syndromed into wearing fake boobs and a fake butt in order to emulate her mom’s hero, Dolly Parton. In the episode we find out that this pageant mom ALSO dressed up as The Queen of Country Music in her day.

Proof of this below:

They are making Saturday Night Live’s job way too easy. These outfits are BEYOND satire, what is wrong with these humans?!!?

Are you horrified by these poor baby prostitutes?