Sarah Palin Would Deport Christina Aguilera (And This is Dumber Than It Sounds)

(Okay, so the piece this is based on is a parody piece but…seriously. This is something the woman COULD have said.)

So, on Super Bowl Sunday, Christina Aguilera flubbed the lyrics to the National Anthem. Mostly people have joked around about it, ha ha she got the lyrics wrong and then held the world “brave” for 10.6 seconds (no, really, my friends and I timed it with a stopwatch).

But if there was anyone who was going to be able to turn this entirely trivial matter into a matter of national importance, it would HAVE to be Sarah Palin, right?

During an appearance on Sean Hannity’s radio program, Palin had this to say:

Unemployment is at nine percent, yet we have to suffer through a performance by a foreigner with a poor grasp of the English language? If I were president, I’d deport Ms. Aguilera back to wherever it is she’s from and give Amy Smart a call.

Okay. Um, I don’t have time to go through EVERYTHING wrong with this statement, including the part where it sounds like something you’d read posted to someone’s live journal. But here’s the gist of it:

1. What does unemployment being at 9% have to do with this? Is Sarah Palin suggesting that the solution to unemployment is for people with no jobs to become pop princesses who are asked to sing the National Anthem at the biggest sporting event of the year? ‘Cause…I hate to break it to her. That’s not going to solve unemployment.

2. While we’re on the issue of unemployment: the GOP currently controls Congress. They are in a position where they could actually be doing something about unemployment. They could be writing bills and introducing measure to create jobs. INSTEAD their major focus so far has been attempting to redefine what is considered “rape,” attempting to pass bills that would allow hospitals to let women to die if they didn’t agree with their choices and attempting to pull federal funding from Planned Parenthood which would result in many women losing their basic reproductive health services and, guess what, would COST people jobs.

3. Sarah also doesn’t have room to talk about “diva behavior.” Rumors about the way she acted on the campaign trail with John McCain in 2008 indicate she’s more than capable of diva behavior herself. But I guess it’s okay, since she’s from America.

4. On to the xenophobia! Palin talks about Aguilera having “a poor grasp of the English language.” Palin has obviously never seen anything featuring Christina other than her Super Bowl flub. Christina speaks fluent English.

5. Palin herself hasn’t exactly shown to be an eloquent master of the English language. In a 2010 post to her Twitter she used the word “refudiate.” Which…doesn’t actually mean anything. She made it up. But when she makes a flub re: the English language, she’s just like Shakespeare. Personally, I’m shocked she’d compare herself to someone who wasn’t American.

Um…she does know that Shakespeare wasn’t American, right?

Wait, don’t answer that.

But the best part:

6. Despite her last name being “Aguilera” and the fact that she has released songs sung in Spanish, Christina Aguilera is not “a foreigner.” She was born in New York and raised near Pittsburgh, PA. But the part where Palin assumed she was? Well…that’s kind of telling, no?

Palin went on to say “I’m sure Ms. Aguilera is a very nice person, but I just think the American people deserve better than a demanding beauty queen who’s clearly in over her head.”

Funny, that’s kind of EXACTLY how I feel about Sarah Palin running for president. Maybe we have more in common than I thought!