Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’: Chapter 3

In the third chapter of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry receives a hilarious invitation to the Quidditch World Cup from Mrs. Weasley, who is the greatest mother on the planet. And Harry proves that the Dursleys’ abusive powers hold no weight over him anymore. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.

CHAPTER 3: THE INVITATION

I really hope J.K. Rowling doesn’t secretly hate overweight people.

I’ve only really thought about this in passing, as a fleeting thought that I had just hoped I wouldn’t have to bring up. I think that, for the most part, Rowling’s depiction of greed, avarice, and gluttony is exemplified in the Dursleys. I think that’s largely the point of them existing: they are privileged wastes of space and they act out their privilege in every negative way imaginable.

Part of me wonders if Rowling thinks it’s ok to make fun of larger people because the Dursleys are specifically privileged in a way that they have access to healthier food and because they also appear to be able-bodied. She’s made it pretty clear that Dudley is the way he is because he’s selfish and greedy: he hoards food, is spoiled beyond belief, and acts like an entitled prick at every opportunity.

So does that make it ok to say that he takes up “an entire side of the square table by himself”? Or that he’s as big as “a young killer whale”?

Again, obviously I’m analyzing a relatively meaningless part of a book to a greater extent than I probably intended. But it does irk me slightly that Rowling focuses so much on the size of the Dursleys when their personalities and their actions are entirely indicative of what terrible, terrible people they are.

Hmph.

But this short chapter is a great way to inevitably deal with the Dursleys, mostly because it’s so quick and abrupt. Until I get some backstory on why these Muggles are so FULL OF HATRED, I kind of don’t care about them. At all. They’re just people in the way of an awesome story.

Harry gets a letter in the mail that infuriates Uncle Vernon, who is never happy to be reminded that there is anything else in the world that isn’t “normal.” It’s an invitation from the Weasleys to take Harry to the Quidditch World Cup and let him stay at their house. The letter, from Mrs. Weasley, is seriously adorable.

I’m not going to quote the whole thing, but I really loved this part:

• It would be best for Harry to send us your answer as quickly as possible in the normal way, because the Muggle postman has never delivered to our house, and I am not sure he even knows where it is.

Oh god, this is beautiful.

I also liked this:

• He held up the envelope in which Mrs. Weasley’s letter had come, and Harry had to fight down a laugh. Every bit of it was covered in stamps except for a small square inch on the front, which Mrs. Weasley had squeezed the Dursleys’ address in minute writing.

Bless the ignorant world of the wizards. It is hilarious.

This all causes Uncle Vernon to nearly go into a catatonic state:

• A slight spasm cross Uncle Vernon’s large purple face. The mustache bristled. Harry thought he knew what was going on behind that mustache: a furious battle as two of Uncle Vernon’s most fundamental instincts came into conflict. Allowing Harry to go would make Harry happy, something Uncle Vernon had struggled against for thirteen years. On the other hand, allowing Harry to disappear to the Weasleys’ for the rest of the summer would get rid of him two weeks earlier than anyone could have hoped, and Uncle Vernon hated having Harry in the house.

How on earth is one person full of so much hatred?

I also found it humorous that Harry threatens Uncle Vernon with the wrath of his murderous godfather, Sirius Black. It’s kind of an obvious plot device, especially since Harry was just writing to him at the end of the last chapter, but it does give me hope that I’ll hopefully get to read about him soon. Ideally in this book. DON’T TELL ME.

Harry gets a letter from Ron almost immediately after this:

• Mum’s writing to the Muggles to ask you to stay. They might already have the letter, I don’t know how fast Muggle post is. Thought I’d send this with Pig anyway.

That’s right. Ron named the owl, given to him by Sirius Black, PIG. REALLY. I love you deeply, Ron Weasley.

• If they say yes, send Pig back with your answer pronto, and we’ll come and get you at five o’clock on Sunday. If they say no, send Pig back pronto and we’ll come and get you at five o’clock on Sunday anyway.

Love the Weasleys so much. I cannot wait to be back in the Burrow.

• He sat there on the floor eating it, savoring the happiness that was flooding through him. He had cake, and Dudley had nothing but grapefruit; it was a bright summer’s day, he would be leaving Privet Drive tomorrow, his scar felt perfectly normal again, and he was going to watch the Quidditch World Cup. It was hard, just now, to feel worried about anything–even Lord Voldemort.

Goddamn, I am so excited to read this book.