Buzznet Storytellers Assignment #32: Inspiration Station

I’ve never really thought about what inspires me. I guess that’s why I am kind of suck at a lot of things that I do. I don’t really have goals or aims – I kind of just go “I want to try this” and then I poop something out and that’s it. I don’t have a process of thinking “Oh this inspires me so I am going to mold that into something that I like” and I guess that makes me lazy when I create things. I also don’t really have a rough draft, edit, and final draft process when I make things. If I can’t do something in one go, then it’s just a big no. I guess I am big on Stream of Consciousness stuff. It’s more raw to me and fresh but it can get really pretentious really quickly.

IDK. Not to sound like a bunz hole or anything but not a lot of stuff really inspires me. For instance, I don’t see a lot of things and go O THIS MAKES ME WANT TO CREATE SOMETHING. Mostly I am just like, bored a lot of the time and I’ll look at stuff and go O THAT’S NICE and just walk away. I’ve always been like that. Especially if things are in public. UGH I just want to go into my room and hide and think about it later.

But that isn’t to say that I can’t appreciate art in all it’s forms, it’s just hard for me to digest it. I have to be in a really pensive mood to think about things and a lot of the time, my brain is thinking about everything awful and I just can’t be that person. I will say though, that I do have themes that I repeat and maybe that’s my strange inspiration.

Here are some things that I like and try to do stuff with on a regular basis:

Moo

Moo is my companion. I don’t like to say that I am her owner because she is not a property. She is a Moo dog and we do lots of stuff together. She’s really silly and she makes me happy even though she can get on my nerves sometimes. I just have to remember that she’s just a pup and she doesn’t know what it’s like to have “one of them days” so even when I feel shitty, I try to play with her or do some cuddles. She’s really good at staying still and taking photos.

Environment

I’m always looking around. Whether it’s up or down, I am always taking notice of my surroundings. I like to look for shapes and patterns in things. There is a lot of beauty in everything around you, you just need to look for it. Also, where I live, things change really quickly so you have to make sure you soak it all up before it’s turned into an apartment complex or an Olive Garden or something shitty.

The City

Los Angeles is weird. It’s huge, gross, and full of all the worst things ever. It’s also full of adventures and awesome folks and amazing views. There’s always something happening and living here spoils me. It can be an intimidating place but if you find the right people, it can be one of the most welcoming places ever. I’ve had some pretty shitty stuff happen to me here but also some really amazing junk happen as well. I guess it’s like anywhere, really. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have THE FACTS OF LIFE.

Making stuff out of stuff

That was on old pill bottle that I had lousing about my apartment that I made into like, a statement or some dumb shit. Whatever. I was bored and I was all “this seems like a great idea so I’ll do that” and this is what happened. I like taking photos in my apartment. I like making my boring ass space look interesting even though that doesn’t really work most of the time.

Dead

Dead stuff is the best stuff. IDK why I like it so much. When I think about it, I guess it’s just for a way of dealing with the inevitable. I wound’t say I’m obsessed with death, I just like that it’s pretty much a big mystery that I am ready for. I mean, it already happened to me before so I feel like I got a sneak peek at it and it was comforting. I used to be a lot more morbid but I think I changed a bit. I don’t take pictures of dead animals as much as used to but I did take a photo of a dead body a while back so that was new. I guess the process of death and how it fits into the life cycle is really interesting too. Yay dead!

Heart

I have a lot of feelings. I also make some pretty dumb mistakes when it comes to that stuff but that’s okay. Sometimes when your heart hurts, you get to make some really neat things. It’s part of dealing with feeling like a terd. It is interesing when I get all emo about stuff and then later on when I am over it I kind of laugh about it and think “o lawds what was I thinking SMH”

Bodies

I’ve always had weird body issues. Where they came from, I am not too sure. I remember one time when my dad tried to make me take off my shirt and I cried in a chair and held my tiny boy teets IN SHAME. I guess he got tired of me crying and he threw my shirt at me and told me to go inside the house with girls and I did and then we all played house and I ate candy. That was way better than working on the stupid car. Even when I was like, out of the hospital and 100 pounds, I was all OMG I AM STILL FAT and that was really weird. To me, my body is always this weird thing that I am never really totally used to but sometimes I am okay with it and then I take pictures with my boobs out and post em on Instagram.

But anyway, bodies in general are weird. I try to stay in shape but I don’t really know if it’s working or not. Sometimes I am all YES IT IS and then sometimes I’ll eat a cookie and go UGH I HATE MYSELF. I guess taking photos of myself half naked in the dark is this weird way of me dealing with myself, if that makes sense.

So that’s it. Those are the things that interest/inspire/etc me. Hope you enjoyed ALL MY FEELINGS. TTYL!