Newlyweds Who Definitely Didn’t Think About Their Last Names (The Results Are So Funny)
It's great to see more couples choosing hyphenated last names, but some combinations are just a little too much. Take the unfortunate mix of "Coke" and “Head” — that’s a name that immediately raises eyebrows. Whether or not you believe in soulmates, after seeing these couples’ last names, you’ll probably agree some combos were trouble from the start.
These couples might be perfect for each other, but their last names definitely don’t help. While we support breaking traditions and empowering women, it might be better for these couples to skip the hyphenated name altogether. Honestly, they might be better off going into witness protection and starting fresh with brand-new identities!
Whose Panties Are We Talking About Here?
Before I can say anything, I need to know whose panties are the nasty ones. You might assume it's Brooke’s since guys usually don’t call their underwear panties, but it turns out Kevin’s last name is Pantti.
So, we can safely say it’s Kevin’s panties that are the gross ones.
With Extra Pickles
The Fillerup-Standings and the MacDonald-Bergers must be close friends. Both couples share a connection to the world's biggest fast-food chain.
McDonald’s changed the fast-food game and made hamburgers and fries a classic part of American eating. So, having a newlywed name that reminds you of that isn’t such a bad thing.
They're Talking About Soft Drinks, Right?
This couple is obviously discussing the right way to fill your soft drink at McDonald's. Everyone knows you start by filling the cup about a third full of ice, then pour the drink until it’s about an inch below the lid.
And of course, it’s much easier to pour the perfect drink when you’re standing up. Right?
He Looks Happy To Me
This guy definitely doesn't look like a Poore-Sapp to me. The couple seems happy since their new last name isn’t too bad.
But once marriage troubles come up and they have to go to couples counseling, Poore-Sapp might become a constant reminder of their struggles.
Sounds Like A Family Guy Character
Crystal likely spent much of her life getting teased because of her last name, Butts. She probably just wanted to marry someone with a normal name, but instead, she ended up with Levi McCracken.
At first, it might not sound too bad, but Butts McCracken definitely gives off vibes like a distant relative of Buzz Killington from Family Guy.
Was R. Kelly Their DJ?
This couple may be all smiles on their wedding day, but deep down, they're probably screaming for help. They went from leading simple lives with normal last names to becoming Mr. and Mrs. Golden-Showers.
There’s no way I’d let that name stick. I’d rather go by a single name, or even start a new life under an alias, than face the awkwardness of introducing myself as "Golden-Showers." That’s just too much to handle!
'Til Death, Or Clogged Arteries, Do Us Part
A married name like Bacon-Bacon? Now that's one I can get behind! Who doesn’t love bacon? Twice the bacon sounds like a dream come true. It’s the kind of name that might actually bring some charm to a dinner party.
But, unfortunately, kids can be brutal. Any child with that name might get some endless teasing, with their classmates probably asking if they were born in a bacon factory. Poor kids might never hear the end of it!
It's Like The Habsburg Dynasty All Over Again
This engagement announcement definitely raises some eyebrows, though it doesn't clarify whether they're cousins. But, since they're from Iowa, they wouldn't be able to legally marry if they were cousins, as the state has laws against first cousin marriages.
If they *are* cousins, looks like they'll have to travel to one of the twenty other states that allow it. Otherwise, we’re just dealing with another unfortunate case of really bad newlywed names. Either way, it’s a bit of a head-scratcher!
To Have And To Hold
This couple's joy about finally being able to marry legally in New Hampshire is clear, but when it comes to their names, things get a little tricky. It’s one thing to marry the love of your life, but quite another to have to navigate a combined name that could be a bit too much for anyone to handle.
Here’s hoping they chose the hyphenated version, because it’s one of the few name combos that can go both ways without raising a few eyebrows.
At Least They Can Laugh About It
This newlywed name has the potential to either be a source of constant amusement or, more likely, a never-ending dad joke machine. If Daniel's sense of humor is anything like the average dad's, you can bet he’ll be finding ways to slip his name into every conversation.
The thought of being subjected to those constant "Dad jokes" with a name that fits perfectly into the punchline? Pure torture. The kids won’t be able to escape it, and neither will anyone else around them!
You Probably Won't Get A Job With That Name
I know names aren't supposed to be a deciding factor for employers, but if I was looking at a resume with the last name Coke-Head, I'd be laughing too hard to hire them.
The worst part is that neither of these names is that good on their own either. It looks like this happy couple is screwed no matter what they do.
I Bet They Love Busch Ice
This engagement announcement doesn't specify how the happy couple met, but I'm sure it was over a can of Busch Ice or a pint of Keystone Light. Even a glass of dirty water works too.
At least you know they probably drink the same thing.
These Two Dropped A Real Bomb
Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger-Meister probably had a tough time deciding if they should keep their names hyphenated.
When you're a young couple, having the last name Jaeger-Meister would probably get you a lot of free drinks from the bartender. But once you settle down and have kids, it's going to get really awkward really quickly.
They Must Be Crazy For Eachother
These two probably endured years of people jokingly asking if they're so crazy for each other that they have to visit the Looney-Warde. That joke gets old quick.
After some painstaking research, it shows Shelby kept both names but flipped them to be Shelby Warde-Looney. Lame.
Hopefully, That's Not How They Met
These two look like a happy, wholesome couple that will forever be haunted by the name Traylor-Hooker. It may be love, but neither of them will last very long in the real world with that last name.
Thankfully they can choose to change their last name completely. "Stevens" sounds like a fine option.
Poison Ivy Is Always Lurking
Bush rash is a serious danger when hiking or camping. Cynthia and Matthew probably know all about how to spot the dangers of poison ivy, poison oak, and hogweed.
It says that they are an administrative assistant and electrician, but it looks like a change of careers might be in their future.
Looks Like He Went And Got Her
If love at first sight exists, then when you see the person you're meant to be with, you have to go and get them. Edna must have been flashing quite the smile when she walked by her husband-to-be.
The only way it would be okay for these two to keep their names is to turn it into one long word: Gowengeter.
The Perfect Kentucky Wedding
These two must be a match made in a Creole kitchen. Timothy and Sandra are from the heart of Kentucky and must have known it was meant to be once they put their names together.
Southern American's can be pretty superstitious, but I feel like this name is a good omen.
Better Than A Short One
Eric has probably lived a life of torture growing up with the last Wiwi, but it seems like he has finally embraced the name. He even shaved his goatee into the shape of a W to show off how proud he is to be a Wiwi.
I don't think his new wife is as proud though. She's giving up a standard last name for Long-Wiwi.
She's Just Trying To Help Out
Somehow Wang-Holder is ten times worse than Johnson-Holder. Maybe it's because Johnson-Holder was ironic, but poor Anna is in for a life of giggles if she hyphenates her last name to Wang-Holder.
Se could try to reverse it to Holder-Wang, but everyone will still secretly know the truth.
