Man’s Marriage Proposal Ends In Disappointment And Regret
When someone is about to propose to their longtime partner, it's natural for a lot of nervousness to creep in before they pop the question. When a relationship is going well, it's understandable to fear that a big step forward in it will change it forever. And even if the idea of proposing itself doesn't inspire those anxieties, it's easy to second-guess the right way to do it.
However, that's a step that one man apparently didn't take before he went ahead with his proposal. And in the aftermath, one of his friends wondered if her reality check did more harm than good.
A big day ahead
In a Reddit post, a woman explained that her friend Stephen told her he was planning to propose to his girlfriend of three years, Dina.
And at first, this sounded great to her.
They got close quickly
The woman further explained that the couple had met in a bar prior to 2020 and blazed past the talking stage quickly.
As they got closer, they eventually moved in together and discussed marriage plans.
A supportive friend
Not only does the friend consider them a great match, but she said she's never seen Stephen happier.
In her post, she wrote, "He told me that he was planning to propose to Dina, and I was ecstatic."
Some bad news
However, when the day of the proposal elapsed and the woman called Stephen to congratulate him, he was not in a celebratory mood.
He then broke the news to her that Dina had rejected his proposal.
A vague explanation
Naturally, this turn of events shocked the woman, and she asked if Dina had given him any indication as to why she said no.
In response, he said that she didn't like how he proposed.
A bad sign
Although Stephen had told the woman about his intentions, he hadn't really discussed his specific plans until that phone call.
This meant the woman learned soon after Dina did that he intended to propose where they first met. Since this was a bar, the woman had an inkling that the setting was the problem.
She didn't want to assume too much
But while the woman had her suspicions as to why Dina turned Stephen's proposal down, she wanted to reach out to her privately since they had become close as well.
And although it turned out that the location didn't help matters, the problem was more fundamental than that.
He refused to listen
Dina confided in the woman that she had told Stephen multiple times that she didn't want him to propose to her in public.
As the woman continued, "She was horrified he would do it at a bar of all places and that she felt disrespected that he didn't accommodate that."
She shared Dina's disappointment
Once she had more context, she got in touch with Stephen and shared her own misgivings about his idea.
She said, "I told Stephen that his proposal was honestly really disrespectful and seriously kind of messed up."
An unexpected response
Stephen didn't take this well and called her insensitive, adding that she should be supportive as a friend instead of "talking down on him."
This exchange led the woman to wonder what she did wrong, so she reached out to Reddit.
Shooting the messenger
The vast majority of commenters didn't see an issue with the woman's handling of the situation, especially in light of how badly Stephen's proposal lined up with Dina's stated feelings.
One user said, "This makes me sad because not only did she tell him, but you are, in fact, supporting him by explaining what he did wrong. SO HE CAN FIX IT!"
What does he expect?
Another person thought it was worth asking Stephen if he would prefer that the woman lies to him in such cases.
The said, "Tell him that you are his friend and that you want him to learn and grow. Let him know that you will now question him as to what kind of support he is looking for, honesty or a shoulder to cry on."
Others saw Stephen's behavior as a red flag, and one woman recounted a story that bolstered this view. In it, she told a now-former boyfriend that she wanted a silver ring with a cheap gemstone rather than a gold one with a diamond due to aesthetic and ethical reasons.
But as she relayed, "I did not know that he was planning to propose, but he later handed me a gold ring with a diamond in it, then insisted that I would realize that he was right and eventually accept his proposal"
Needless to say, that guy was wrong
Since this ex refused to take the ring back, she ended up selling it on eBay and telling him in no uncertain terms that it was over. Naturally, she was worried Stephen had a similar personality.
As she also made a point of saying, "I sent him the link to the auction and offered to return the ring to him at any point until a buyer sent me payment."
An unpleasant reminder
Another user shared that they were reminded of all the times they'd seen a big, public proposal at a sporting event. And they didn't see that as a flattering comparison.
As this user said, "It would be a NIGHTMARE to be put on the spot like that."
A positive way forward
Another person joined the chorus of commenters agreeing that the woman did the right thing but also had an idea for what happens after Stephen nurses his wounded pride.
As they wrote, "If he needs support and you want to help him, both of which are reasonable, maybe offer to help him plan a more personal private proposal?"
A dissenting view
Although the majority of commenters sided with the woman, that support wasn't universal. Others believed this wasn't any of her business in the first place.
As one person expressing this view said, "Why are you inserting yourself into this situation? Be supportive of both, but let them resolve it. Getting in the middle is foolish."
In a way, the dissenters were right
In an update to her post, the woman shared that Stephen apparently had a Reddit account she didn't know about and found her post.
And when he confronted her about it, he expressed his anger that she "aired their dirty laundry."
But in a way, they were also wrong
But that wasn't all Stephen had to say to her. Because while that anger was real, he also felt compelled to thank the woman for posting what she did.
After all, it gave him a chance to see people's comments, which "gave him a different perspective."
Things are tense but not unsalvagable
The woman also updated interested parties on the state of the couple's relationship.
And while they were still together at the last report, how long that remains true is contingent on how their efforts to work things out go.
The woman reported how upset Dina remained in the aftermath of the proposal and spent the days immediately after the incident at her parents' house.
But at the same time, she's gone over to the home she shares with Stephen at night to try and work this out.
She remains conflicted
Dina has told the woman that she's working on forgiving Stephen but still feels disturbed at how blatantly he ignored her wishes.
So, for the time being, the couple is not engaged, and Dina doesn't plan to change that anytime soon.
Taking the advice to heart
Clearly, the woman liked the suggestion to help plan a more private proposal in the future.
Because she said that if the couple does work things out and stays together, she told Stephen that she's happy to do so.
A perfect locale isn't hard to find
Since all three of them live in Florida, they have more than their share of beaches to choose from.
So the woman said that if everything ends up going well, she advised Stephen to take her to one in the evening after everyone else has headed back home and pop the question when everything's nice and secluded.
Stephen's well aware of his situation
It may not have been clear to Stephen how seriously Dina took her wishes against a public proposal before, but the gravity of his situation is all too clear to him now.
And that's reflected in what he has since done with the ring.
A symbol of a mistake
The woman relayed that Stephen informed Dina of his plan to return the ring he bought, further demonstrating his understanding that another proposal would need some serious time.
And there's another element of this decision that's more unorthodox but is nonetheless a gesture to make things right.
A token of good faith
Stephen said that after he returns the ring, he plans to give some of the money he gets back to Dina.
And that's supposed to be money she's free to do with as she sees fit.
Although the woman isn't 100% certain about this, she also believes Stephen sent flowers to Dina's work.
The woman said, "So I guess it all worked out in the end."
Up in the air
Although the woman is obviously optimistic about the future of Stephen and Dina's relationship, it would perhaps be more accurate to say things are working out rather than that they have worked out.
Still, there are signs that a reconciliation is on the way.
But anyone curious about any further updates to this situation will be disappointed.
Because — likely out of respect for the couple's privacy — the woman ended up deleting both her original post and the account she made it with.