Woman Swears Off Handmade Gifts For Her Husband After He Keeps Throwing Them In The Trash
People often say that it's the thought that counts when giving gifts, but that thought isn't always matched by the person receiving them. This can be especially disheartening for those who make their gifts themselves, only to learn that they put hours of care and a lot of love into them for nothing. But at the same time, people can't help what they don't like, and it's always awkward and sad when that mutual disappointment festers.
But while one woman thought she had adjusted to that disappointment in a way that made both her and her husband happy, he's recently given her a bizarre mixed message that suggests otherwise.
The crafty type
In a Reddit post seeking advice, one woman explained that she's always enjoyed working with her hands and making things.
She added that she finds it soothing and that it helps her focus, whether she's knitting or just doing origami while watching TV.
Expanding her interests
As she's developed this passion more in her life, she's pursued classes that teach her new skills like pottery making, ceramic glazing, and drip painting.
As a result, she's developed quite the repertoire for the variety of crafts she can make.
Spreading the love
The woman likes making these things for their own sake, but it's especially rewarding for her to make things specifically so she can give them as gifts.
One example saw her making three matching baby blankets when she was pregnant at the same time as two of her cousins. That went over very well.
A supportive husband
It's clear to the woman's husband how much she loves being creative in this way, and he has some adorable ways to support her passion.
One of these helpful acts is to pay for the classes she takes, but there are also little things that count as much to her.
She's noticed the subtle cuteness
She would notice that her origami supply would "magically" refill periodically. She'd also noticed that her basket of knitting supplies would end up tidier than she had left them.
But while her husband's behavior sounds adorably supportive, the truth is a little more complicated.
Not a fan
The bizarre problem the woman has encountered is that while he's supportive of her hobbies, he doesn't treat the finished products with the same respect.
At best, they'll be tucked away in a wardrobe until they're thrown out during spring cleaning. At worst, it doesn't even take that long before they end up in the garbage.
A logical adjustment
It isn't hard to imagine how demoralizing and pointless it would feel to spend hours lovingly making something only to find it in the garbage before long.
So somewhere around 2020, the woman stopped giving him things she made herself.
A man of particular tastes
The woman explained that her husband typically only likes gifts from luxury brands or experiences like spa days, so she figured it was best to give them those things instead.
And as far as she knew, that arrangement worked out well.
A sudden reversal
However, the situation changed after she made Mother's Day chocolates for all the mothers in her life.
This led the husband to remark that the woman didn't make things for him anymore.
What should be an obvious reminder
In response, the woman described his previous treatment of her handmade gifts.
She added that she doesn't make things just for them to end up in the garbage, so she'd rather not waste the time.
An unexpected reaction
The woman said, "He got all quiet and said he didn't realize he was a waste of my time."
And while he hadn't said anything about that day after the fact, she described him as acting "weird" in the week since. As a result, the woman wondered what she did wrong, if anything.
He rubbed people the wrong way
Although they were split on how intentionally he did this, many commenters saw the husband as twisting the woman's words to make a reasonable response to a hurtful pattern seem hurtful in and of itself. At best, this struck them as childish and unfair.
As one commenter said, "He's twisted your words to make you look bad when you didn't even say HE was a waste of your time."
Some interesting advice.
Another commenter had encountered similar reactions in their relationships and developed a question that's apparently served them well in getting to the heart of these conflicts.
As they relayed, "Are you saying that because you've misunderstood what I've said or because you're upset with yourself but don't know how to hold yourself accountable?"
It didn't compute
Considering how loving some of the husband's other acts were when it came to her hobbies, some commenters were sure that there was a serious communication issue at play in this relationship.
And while that remained the prevailing opinion once everyone received all the context they needed, the husband's treatment of her gifts became harder to understand as more information came in.
Initial assumptions
Given these contradictory behaviors, some users figured the woman must have been making items her husband didn't ask for or considered decorative clutter.
As they saw it, this meant that he would've appreciated some handmade chocolates as much as the woman's friends would.
Wrong on both counts
Yet as the woman explained in other comments, she has taken the time to make him special chocolates and even to replicate his mother's recipes before.
And in both cases, he would take one bite and leave them until they went into the garbage as well. In the case of the chocolates, he would complain that they weren't from Laderach.
Directly contradicting past behavior.
As for the idea of his gifts being unsolicited, the woman could point to an instance where this definitely wasn't the case.
She mentioned him saying he needed espresso cups, so she made some for him in pottery class that was specially decorated.
The same old story
But of course, he put them in the back of a cupboard and ended up throwing them out a month later.
So instead, she bought him a set from Villeroy & Boch, which he uses every day.
The change was encouraged
When she started phasing out her handmade gifts and bought him the luxury items he wanted, he showed more appreciation for them than he ever did for her other gifts.
As the woman relayed, "I took him to LV, bought him a wallet just because he said he wanted a new one, and he's taken super good care of it for the last 5 years, and if anyone compliments him on it, he's immediately like 'yeah it's so gorgeous [my name] bought it for me.'"
People only grew more confused
Not only were commenters shocked about how wasteful the husband was about the food she had made for him, but they also felt deeply for the woman after hearing about the espresso cups.
With these incidents in mind, many commenters wondered how he could possibly complain about not getting handmade gifts anymore when there was no way for the woman to please him with them before.
No-win scenario
One particularly upset user noted that whether the husband meant to or not, he's introduced a situation where his wife can't win no matter what she does.
In their words, "He's setting her up to fail – if she makes anything for him, he pitches it, so it's obviously a complete waste of her time and effort to make anything for him; if she doesn't make something for him, but rather gets him something he will use, he complains that she doesn't make anything for him."
An extra detail
In response to another comment, the woman clarified that she only changed the gifts she gave her husband and not the regularity with which he received them.
This meant that every month, he was either getting one of his desired luxury items or something akin to a spa day.
Not helping his case
The majority of commenters seemed to ignore this detail in favor of how much there was to unpack about the situation at large.
However, the fact that he was apparently able to take monthly gifts for granted didn't exactly endear him to some users.
An unpopular husband
Given his treatment of her lovingly crafted gifts and most recent contradiction of that attitude, it was hard for users not to see his twisting of her words as the cherry on top of a very childish sundae.
Some were reminded of a kid who only shows interest in their toys after someone tries to take one away.
A more charitable reading
But considering how sweet the husband had been about her crafting in other ways, that perception didn't seem to add up for some commenters.
As they saw it, the husband may have felt like he was in her thoughts more when she made gifts for him.
Still encouraging her hobbies
Although the woman said her husband generally doesn't see the point of making things she could buy, it's clear to him that she enjoys doing so.
So when they're watching TV together in the evening, he'll often challenge her to make different origami animals and other objects.
The ways they help each other
As mentioned, the way he keeps her materials stocked and tidy ensures that they're ready for her when she needs to relieve her stress, which she deeply appreciates.
And as she put it, "I think it's the same as the fact that I pay for a weekly massage for him on a Sunday because he gets stressed and shoulder pains at work."
A path to resolution
With the complexities of this situation in mind, one commenter reasoned that while the husband could never credibly claim he values the gifts themselves, it's likely that he does appreciate the level of thought and effort the woman put into them.
So while this user didn't think his statement that she considered him a waste of time was at all fair, their insights did a lot to explain what led him to say that.
Open and honest
Taking the feedback she received to heart, the woman stated her intention to have an open conversation with her husband about this aspect of their relationship.
Indeed, as surprisingly complex as the problem between them was, few went as far as to say they were insurmountable.
A happy ending?
Since making that promise, the woman has posted no further updates about how she and her husband are progressing.
While that could mean anything, the most optimistic interpretation of this radio silence is that the Reddit community finally helped the couple see eye-to-eye.
