Blogs From The Bathroom – Episode 3: The Great Escape

Today we are testing to see how you can manage to escape early on a Friday… seems pretty easy from this post. 

Also if you are just joining our little almost unemployed saga, here are parts 1 & 2 to catch you up. 

Ever wonder what goes through someone’s mind when they have given their 2 weeks notice at a job they hate but still have to go into the office for those 2 weeks? Well let me give you some insight into the process in a series I call “Blogs from the Bathroom”… you know, since I shouldn’t be writing this at work.

“Blogs From The Bathroom – Episode 3: The Great Escape

I’m really starting to get into the homestretch of my 2 week notice now, and have officially passed the halfway point. Because of this I decided to celebrate last night with some friends, some reasonably priced libations, and some bad fast food decisions. As we all know, the combination of these followed up by having to work the next morning rarely ends in a situation you are looking forward to being a part of. Instead you feel like your job is the curb and you just took a stomp to the head from Ed Norton in American History X. As a result of this, my mission for today was simple: get the fuck out of dodge as quick as possible.

Oh yeah, one other thing: I’m typing this on a train out of NYC at 2:30pm. Allow me to explain…

I had been planning to leave the city this weekend for other commitments that are going to be way more enjoyable than having to work Saturday and Sunday. I’ve known about this for at least a month or so, and not only had I not told anyone at work that I would be leaving, because that would make sense and clearly that’s not my style, but I hadn’t booked my train ticket as of earlier this week. If you’ve read episodes 1 and 2 of my little memoir here, you’ll have an idea of how this week has been going. If you haven’t read them yet, what the fuck are you doing reading this? Be like a normal person and go start from the beginning, freakazoid. I bet you wouldn’t start reading Twilight at book two, would you? Of course you wouldn’t! I am giving you real literary gold here, way better than that vampire bullshit! Go read it!

Sorry, blacked out for a second. Where were we? Oh yeah, so this week has been boring as shit and entirely counterproductive which led me to think… will anyone even notice if I leave? I decided that a) I don’t think so and b) I am at the point where I legitimately don’t give a fuck anymore so I booked a train outta town for 2:00pm to try and push the limits. Worst case scenario: I get an extra week paid vacation next week. Worth a shot if you ask me.

This morning I made it in to work at a respectable time of 11:30am and found that I wasn’t the only one looking to get away asap: there were three people in the office. I might as well have been walking into a funeral, because the vibe in the room was all dismal and weirdly quiet. (ed note: Speaking of funerals, RIP Etta James) After completing a solid half hour of work needed to prep staff for the weekend, I made the decision everyone makes on Fridays: It was time to stop working and make a spotify playlist for my grand exit. I mean, either way I was getting paid to sit there, so I might as well enjoy it and do something that matches my current definition of productive.

Around 1:30, after being in the office for a whopping 2 hours, it was time. I got up, grabbed my bag, and walked to the train station like it was no big thing. Gotta love being a salaried employee: doesn’t matter how many hours you work, you’re still getting paid the same amount. Well, after stopping and getting a magazine for the ride, I picked up my ticket, boarded the train and realized I had actually pulled it off. As the train continues chugging away from the city and the suburbs streak by my window, I can’t fucking believe I got away with this.

So to sum it all up: I’m off to an undisclosed location to attend an undisclosed event and I should still have another two hours in the office. I could really get used to this 2 weeks thing…

Until Monday, stay employed. Unless you hate your job, then just say “Fuck it, I’m outta this bitch” and hop the next train outta town.”

Imported from thoughts of a lovely gal