True Blood 4×1: Those Effin’ Fairies

First off, let’s talk about Fairy Land–it’s a weirdly lit gathering of people who all shop at Windsor. Do fairies get discounts on bridesmaids dresses or something? Also, can I have my fruit non-lit? Thankfully, all that turns out to be a big load of BS and if you’re not drinking the kool aid eating the day-glow fruit that world is all TALES FROM THE CRYPT and those beasts just want to eat fruit all day and trip out and not question things, you know? Are you trying to tell us something, Alan Ball? Is there a metaphor there?

So Sookie is all BYE and gets back to REAL LIFE and she’s all, “oh shit, I was gone for 2 weeks?!” But turns out fairy land is some sort of effed up time warp because homegirl was gone a YEAR.

Also:

Tara took off, changed her name to Toni and became a lezzie MMA fighter. I didn’t know all that (particulary the mixed martial arts part) could happen in a year, but I guess she has a lot of RAGE to work with. When she got a text from Lafayette about Sookie being back and safe, she told her hot gf that a grandparent (I don’t remember which one, don’t make me watch it again in megaupload just to revisit that point) had died but she wasn’t going back for the funeral. What’s the shady logic in that? She also told hot gf she’s from Atlanta. And personally, there is no beauty in the word ATLANTA. But if I was from BON TEMPS I would tell everyone every chance I get, because it just sounds fancy.

Lafayette’s witchy boyfriend is all “join my coven” and they make a bird come back to life for like 3 seconds but I am otherwise unimpressed.

Sam Merlotte is like, permanently pissed but now he has some shifter friends to RUN WILD with. This particular episode, they chose to be horses. What I’d really like to see is some Kangaroo action. Do you think shifters have regional restrictions? Hmm. Something to ponder.

Jason Stackhouse sold their old house while Sookie was off communing with the fairy ilk and GUESS WHO BOUGHT IT?

This guy:

(Isn’t that touching?)

So he shows up all “I own the house, Sookie, so I own YOU” and to be fair, she didn’t look all that scared. You know part of her was like:

I don’t see the problem in Eric Northman coming to ravish you just after sundown every day, but couldn’t she technically get an apartment or something? I mean it’s not like she has financial responsibilty for the house anymore. If she gets tired of being RAVISHED she can just take a quiet night in her studio apartment or something. I don’t know. It’s very much like me to get caught up in the logistics of all this.

Oh and Bill Compton is “the new king”… of witches? Which would make him a warlock. I’d like to know how he pulled off that dual citizenship.

Annnnd now I’m off to watch 4×2 because I’ve already seen all the gifs from it and I just can’t wait.