Uwe Boll’s Fat Superheroine Movie Can Kiss My…Well, Read On

Uwe Boll is a boil on the ass of the movie industry, yet people still continue to fund his films. He is the “genius” behind movies like Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne and In The Name of The King. While some people are hit-or-miss, Boll tends to be straight-up miss.

Generally I find him just flat out ridiculous. He makes bad movies. Whatever. But now, he’s actually done something to make me genuinely upset.

His next project is Blubberella. A movie about a fat superheroine. With the tag-line “The first female fat superhero …She will kick major ass – with her major ass …”


Okay, so let’s get something out of the way: I don’t necessarily think a film featuring a heavy superheroine is a bad idea. I think, handled well, it could end up being very subversive and could make a lot of points about our cultural aesthetic of beauty and the size-ism it promotes. I think, even as an underground movie, it would be something extremely refreshing.

But…notice that caveat: handled well. Already, Boll’s movie is pretty clearly not headed there. The character’s name is “Blubberella?” The tagline is a fat joke? What does this teach us?

1. Fat girls, even if they are the heroine of something, are a joke. Even other movies that have claimed they were “handling the topic of inner beauty and perception” have resorted to numerous “LOL OMG SHE’S FAT!” jokes (Shallow Hal, anyone?).

2. Women, especially heavy women, are defined by their weight. This movie is not about a superheroine who happens to be overweight, she is a Fat Superheroine. Her defining feature? Fat. Her name even indicates this. And remember, fat is funny.

3. It’s just a joke, so if you’re offended, you’re probably a fat girl (actually, I am). Which means you are a joke defined by your weight, so nothing you say could have any baring on anything. You’re fat.

I know this probably doesn’t seem like a big deal. It’s a crappy movie from a crappy director and will likely not make any money. But it upsets me because this isn’t an isolated case. Most heavy women we see in media are side kicks. If they are the lead in something, they aren’t really to be taken seriously. And odds are, if they are a heavy woman in a sitcom, then at least 45% of their storylines/episodes will in some way revolve around dieting/weight loss/feeling bad for not losing weight.

Which doesn’t mean women of an average or smaller size get off easily. They’re still subjected to roles and stories where they complain about how they look. They’re not thin enough, they’re not curvy enough, they’re not RIGHT. The mainstream media, and society as a whole, does a lot to make women feel BAD about themselves, sometimes even under the guise of trying to help women feel BETTER about themselves. Any time I see some campaign about “[x] women are REAL WOMEN,” regardless of how empowering it’s meant to be, it upsets me. Because ALL OF US ARE REAL WOMEN. But I’ve ranted about THAT elsewhere.

I will, however, quote some statistics at you. All from Do Something.org:

  • A study found that 53% of thirteen-year-old American girls are unhappy with their bodies. This number grows to 78% by the time girls reach seventeen.
  • In the U.S., eating disorders are more common than Alzheimer’s disease: five to ten million people have eating disorders compared to four million with Alzheimer’s disease.
  • Anorexia has the highest premature mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. The majority of deaths are due to physiological complications.
  • Americans spend over $40 billion on dieting and diet-related products each year.
  • Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting and taking laxatives.

With these sort of trends, can we really continue to re-enforce this stuff through a media that continues to work to make us feel unhappy with ourselves?

What upsets me the most about this Boll movie, other than the fact that someone still thinks letting Uwe Boll make movies is a good idea, is that I’m sure, somehow, he thinks that it’s progressive. That this is going to be a powerful statement about body image.

Mr. Boll, let me take this chance to make a powerful statement INVOLVING body image. Actually, lemme let Tyra say it: