The Worst Tour Ever Deserves A Better Name

March 18, 2010

So, in what can only be considered something straight out of the Musical Book of Revelations, Jeffree Star is touring with BrokeNCYDE and Blood on the Dancefloor. Why is this so terrible? Well, not only have ALL THREE OF THESE ACTS been covered by The Hunt for the Worst Musical Act Ever, but at least two of them have at times been RATED the worst musical act ever (Ikkyg, the genius behind the Hunt, has deemed J* just too boring to hate and I tend to agree). Not to mention the perverse amount of full out misogyny that all three of these acts proudly put on display.

Sadly, this tour does not yet have a name. But never fear, for I have come up with several that would suit this tour just perfectly. In no particular order:

  • The “Is Everyone Paying Attention To Us Yet?” Tour
  • The “We Don’t Know What Consensual Sex Feels Like” Tour
  • “The Scene is Dead And This Is What Killed It” Tour
  • The “Gabe Saporta Likes Us, It’s A Shame Gabe Saporta Has No Taste” Tour
  • The “Please Don’t Tell Anyone How Small Our Dicks Really Are” Tour
  • The “Music You Will Regret Having Been Into When You’re Over the Age of 18” Tour
  • The “Thank God This Means They Won’t Be on Warped Again” Tour
  • The “Three Hours of Shaming Our Female Fans for Being Born with a Vagina” Tour
  • “The Only Thing Tackier than Those Shoes is Rufinol” Tour
  • The “It’s Okay to Be Homophobes ‘Cause We’re Touring With a Gay Dude” Tour
  • The “David Bowie Needs to Slap the Shit Out of All of Us And Not in a Sexy Way” Tour
  • The “Who Needs Talent When You’ve Got Garageband and Hairspray?” Tour

And my personal favorite:

  • The “Bad Hair and Date Rape” Tour

PS: I’m sure some of you are fans of these groups, despite the fact that they’re all terrible excuses for human beings (Hey, the headliner’s even been caught red handed being a racist piece of trash). In which case, I’m sure you’re going to leave comments about how I “just don’t get it” or how they make “really, really good music who cares about their lyrics?” and I look forward to the first person who calls me a “fat bitch” for all of this.

So, really. Bring it.