This Vampire Thing Has Gone Too Far

Okay guys, I’ll be the first to admit, vampires are awesome. I’ve been into the whole thing since long before a sparkling poster child for abusive relationships rekindled it by romantically telling his girlfriend how easily he could kill her. I love me some vampires.

But it needs to stop. Because it has officially gone too far. Particularly the marketing.

Okay, so, Vampire Wine has been around for awhile. I highly recommend it, particularly the merlot and Cab-Sauv. There’s also Vampire Vodka and Vampire Energy drink…both of which I’ve been seeing around for years.

And then, Twilight reared it’s ugly little sparkling head and suddenly everywhere you turn there’s a Twilight-related piece of merchandise dangling in your face. Tee shirts, note books, diaries, pens, pins, chocolate bars, jackets, body glitter, DILDOS, and of course, the new Twilight Lip Venom.

And True Blood threw their hat into the ring by releasing ACTUAL TRUE BLOOD, the synthetic formula the show takes it’s title from. It’s blood orange flavored and a four pack will set you back $16, plus shipping.

Okay, even that I can kinda of excuse. Expensive beverage tie-in to popular franchise? Been done.

But this is where I say “enough:”

That? Is Blood Energy Potion. Available January 2010, it doesn’t just look like blood. It has THE SAME NUTRITIONAL VALUE as blood. Seriously.

Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! “

But taste-wise? Well, apparently it is fruit punch flavored. So…at least they stopped before they made it taste like blood. I guess.

Look, guys, I could take the sodas, the wines, the glitter…even the sex toys. But this? This is just a bit far even for me.

…so watch for when I inevitably get some when it comes out and do a taste test. Why? Because I’m also the girl who recently watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine just to see how bad it really was.