2008 MTV Video Music Awards Live Blog

RED CARPET:

8:00 PM: And we’re good to go!

8:02: “You-know-who?” When the hell was Voldemort on the Hills?

8:04: Kim Stoltz, Gucci did your dress, but who the HELL made those extensions?

Screw the time stamps!

Anyway, yeah. Vote for “Best New Artist.” This year, I don’t care who you vote for, since The Cab didn’t land a nomination this year 🙁

“What have I done?” Oh, Katy Perry. What you’ve done is pretty terrible. Because you did a song that guys love because it means girls will make out in front of them…but they know they’re not, like, dykes or anything.

Sorry, that was a little inappropriate.

Tokio Hotel: needed a vehicle bigger than Bill’s hair. AND THEY SUCCEEDED!

KATY PERRY, I AM GOING TO BURN EVER F*CKING ROMPER YOU OWN.

And you arrived with Miley? No, THAT’S not suggestive at ALL.

…that’s…that’s an elephant.

Sorry, T-Pain, but Panic at the Disco’s “Big Gay Circus” still wins in my heart.

Why can’t it be an MTV party without Tila Tequila? I think it could very well be an MTV party without Tila Tequila. They managed for almost 25 years without her, dammit.

And Pink is looking like Pink. I can deal with this. And her performance sounds BADASS.

NICE Jordan. NICE!

HI PANIC AT THE DISCO.

“We play road games?” Oh, Ryan.

“We’re the only 16-passenger van!”

Is Cobra in there? Are they pregaming?

BAD KATY PERRY! BAD! I appreciate you want to show off your legs but there are ways to do it that don’t SUCK.

If Katy and Miley kiss tonight, I will burn Hollywood down.

Kid Rock…BUY A SUIT. Or at least a shirt with sleeves.

HOLY SHIT, FALL OUT BOY SHOWED UP IN A HORSE AND BUGGY.

And Patrick Stump? Yeah. Yeah, Patrick Stump.

So, my vote’s for the first group. Second group’s routine was stronger, first group was just BETTER.

Christina Aguilera looks AMAZING.

Wow, the Jonas Brothers make me feel…um…old.

And Slipknot makes me feel ill.

But Ashlee Simpson looks amazing, so it’s all good!

“The three b’s: the boobs, the belly, the bootie!” Oh, Ashlee. I’m glad I stopped hating you! And she’s GLOWING. That baby is going to be so loved.

Paramore arrived in tiny cars. Not sure how I feel about Haley’s hair yet.

HOLY CRAP, HALEY IS CINDY LAUPER!

Paris Hilton: much better outfit this year.

But I want to punch Benji Madden.

JUST A REMINDER: Gwen Artax is liveblogging as well!

And HERE WE GO!

“I don’t have a time machine!” Niiiice.

Okay, this is a little awkward, but still funny.

And Britney’s back to form. The dress is perfect for her.

25 Years! Just like me!

But I am not televised.

ARE THOSE DANCING ZOMBIES?

HOLY CRAP. THIS IS ALREADY AMAZING.

During a zombie apocalypse, I am not on Rihanna’s side. Even if she’s a damn hot piece of zombie bait.

Lil’ Wayne: “I’m performing? What?”

Russell Brand just plugged Barack Obama, slammed George W. Bush, and called Sarah Palin a V.I.L.F.

THAT IS THE BEST COMMENTARY ON CHASTITY RINGS I’VE EVER HEARD. AND ON THE JONAS BROTHERS.

BEST FEMALE VIDEO: BRITNEY SPEARS, PIECE OF ME

Wow, damn. I can’t believe this is only her first win.

…Pete…Pete…PETE. YOUR OUTFIT IS TERRIBLE.

Katy Perry is performing “Like A Virgin?”

….

….

….

DAMMIT, WORLD.

Oh Demi Moore. What are you wearing/What are you doing/What?

BEST MALE VIDEO: CHRIS BROWN, WITH YOU

I don’t know the song, but Chris Brown is HOT.

Taylor Swift to introduce The Jonas Brothers?

This should be interesting.

Wow. Wow, that was totally awesome.

…Katy Perry. This is terrible. Your outfit is terrible. I am JUDGING YOU.

And a llama has crashed my party.

And the llama is arguing with me over Katy Perry. Damn llama.

She looks like she’s wearing her super villainess costume.

And we go from Katy Perry, to Brand’s cock, to Michael Phelps.

Oh, MTV.

L’il Wayne? Pants: UR DOIN ‘EM RONG.

But rap? UR DOIN IT RITE.

I continue to love how The Black Parade brought Marching Band back. First Kanye, now T-Pain.

Oh, Lindsay? YOU LOOK AMAZING!

Oh, Gwen’s pick won the VMA dance battle! Nice!

BEST DANCING IN A VIDEO: PCD, WHEN I GROW UP

I have a shameful confession…I like this song.

Pussycat Dolls: dressed well. Thank God for “being so awesome.”

I kid you not.

The Twilight cast is coming up. Will RPatz be stoned? Survey says: DUH!

Pete: that outfit is TERRIBLE. GO CHANGE!

HOLY CRAP, I’M DAZZLED. THAT’S IT. SORRY, CAN’T SEE TO TELL YOU WHAT’S GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

Paramore performance!

So, Paramore is trying to be No Doubt during the Tragic Kingdom era. Which I TOTALLY support. But she needs to decide if she’s going to do the punk-style singing or not.

Dude, Brand is really picking on the Jonas Brothers tonight.

Slash and Shia LeBouf? W.T.F?

BEST ROCK VIDEO: LINKIN PARK, SHADOW OF THE DAY

Oh, not Fall Out Boy. I’m sorry MTV doesn’t appreciate Patrick Stump’s pelvic thrusts like I do.

MILEY CYRUS SINGING “LIVIN ON A PRAYER” KARAOKE STYLE WHILE PLAYING ROCK BAND!!! Okay, come on, that’s adorable.

PINK PERFORMANCE. YES. THANK YOU.

Okay, if I hadn’t loved Pink before? I would now.

AND THAT’S A BODY SUIT O_____________O

Ooooh, the Ting Tings.

Pete, your outfit is bad, but your humor is good.

“THAT’S MY WIFE…AND MY BABY!” 😀 😀

Okay, the bit with Slipknot? Is actually funny.

BEST HIP HOP VIDEO: L’IL WAYNE, LOLLIPOP

Oh, Jordan…why did you do that?

I’m really liking the backlot performances, like T.I’s.

OH, HI RIHANNA. YOU ARE WELCOME BACK AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE. PROVIDED YOU BRING THAT VOICE AND THOSE LEGS.

High School Musical Cast introducing Christina…I smell DISNEY!

Go Christina!

SHE IS DRESSED LIKE A SUPERHEROINE SINGING A TECHNO REMIX OF “GENIE IN A BOTTLE.” THIS IS AMAZING.

…I think Christina is supposed to be dressed as Black Canary. BLACK FRICKIN’ CANARY. *____________*

Wow…MTV totally just made Brand apologize. But he did it on his own terms.

BEST NEW ARTIST: TOKIO HOTEL

After they talked about how they weren’t going to win! Oh boys, AWESOME!

Mmmmm, LL Cool J.

“We’re gonna pick out lingerie together!”

BEST POP VIDEO: BRITNEY SPEARS, PIECE OF ME

Oh, Panic. I loved your trippy, mustache filled video.

-Side note: But Frank Iero should still shave his mustache.

Josh Peck! And Drake Bell.

…wait, wait, when did they BOTH GET HOT?

Oh, Kid Rock. Suddenly, I feel like I’m in high school again.

Kobe Bryant: has a gold medal. Will never be Michael Jordan.

VIDEO OF THE YEAR: BRITNEY SPEARS, PIECE OF ME

Wow. And yet I can’t help but think that her winning all of these is MTV saying “We’re sorry about last year. Let’s forget about that.”

Russell Brand just kidnapped Britney Spears and introduced Kanye West. SCORE.

HOT DAMN. This Kanye performance is AMAZING. Visually stunning.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, BUZZNET! GOODNIGHT!