Mocking Maxim’s music reviews


I’m not a dude, so I can’t say Maxim Magazine has ever held any cred with me, but if it did, their latest slip-up (scandal?) would equal some seriousssss minus points.

The offense? They published a negative review of the Black Crowes album by a writer who hadn’t listened to it! He wrote it based on what he thought it would sound like. Maxim issued a statement that said, “It is Maxim’s editorial policy to assign star ratings only to those albums that have been heard in their entirety. Unfortunately, that policy was not followed in the March 2008 issue of our magazine and we apologize to our readers.”

The band’s manager is peeved that Maxim did not apologize or mention the band specifically. Tsk tsk.

Well, I say that if the snappy writers over at Maxim can write album reviews without listening to the album, then so can we! Please enjoy/snarl at/place pre-orders because of our MOCK* album reviews:

  • Ashly “reviews” Ashlee Simpson’s “Bittersweet World” (Production by the likes of Timbaland and Patrick “tiny little sex god” Stump make the album pop like a bottle of champagne. Cheap champagne.)
  • Wendy “reviews” Panic at the Disco’s “Pretty. Odd” (“The Vegas natives try to be more subtle in their efforts by turning on the Flower-Power instead of the over-drawn theatrics but unfortunately they fail…
  • Arianna “reviews” of Death Cab for Cutie’s “Narrow Stairs” (“At any rate, the album in its entirety can be compared with The Spice Girls Greatest Hits album, a far stretch from Death Cab’s last sound…)
  • Brit “reviews” Mariah Carey’s E=MC2 (I’m guessing ‘Side Effects’ is an Emancipation reject, written about, well, the side effects of that whole “Glitter” thing.)

*an imitation; counterfeit; fake.