I’m 0% virgin

Us Christian girls have got to learn to protect ourselves. I mean, sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I’m saving myself for marriage, and I’ll use force if necessary.

-Hilary Faye, Saved!

Some of you may be virgins.

Others of you? Might not be virgins.

But here’s the deal. You’re either a virgin, or you’re not. If you’re unsure of whether you’re a virgin or not, either you’re a moron or your partner was SHIT in bed.

So when I saw a bulletin circulating talking about “I’m X% virgin” I knew it was a bad idea to click. I KNEW IT. But I did it anyway. Possibly because I hate my life and wish for the cold embrace of death to come take me quickly. Hooray.

I wasn’t surprised to see that the 100 question survey contained a number of things that really had fuck all to do with sex. Smoking, drinking, dressing preppy, GETTING AN X-RAY? None of these are directly related to cherry popping adventures. And I really hope everyone who got that message realized that.

But as I went down the list, things got more and more offensive to me.

“Kissing someone of the same sex” was listed as if it were a dirty act. Here’s a surprise, people. THERE ARE GAY AND BISEXUAL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD! YOU MAY HAVE TOUCHED ONE! People even have actual, bonofied SEX with people of the same sex.

These people are not virgins. Because of the sex, not because of the sex or gender identity of their partner. It’s about the fucking, not who you fuck.

Then “been pregnant” came up on the list. Here’s a hint: if you’re pregnant? You’re not a virgin. And no, you really can’t have your physical virginity restored by praying REALLY REALLY hard.

“Been called a whore” was a little further down. Because obviously if you’re called a whore you deserve it. Because at some point you’ve probably had impure thoughts about something or someone and guess what? That makes you a whore. ESPECIALLY if you’re a girl. Ignore the fact that women are built for enjoying sex (multiple orgasms, and the clitoris is the only part of the human body, male or female, who’s sole purpose is for sexual pleasure), it’s DIRTY AND WRONG for women to think about sex. Ew.

And then there’s numbers 95 and 100:

95. Raped somebody. 100. Been raped…

It is my understanding that bulletins like these are meant to be fun. They are meant to be something stupid and funny you pass around with your friends and then make jokes about.

Joking about raping or being raped by someone? NOT COOL.

Making rape into a joke like that? Belittles what it is that people go through. The emotional and mental after effects of having been completely violated. And it helps continue the idea that rape is not a big deal, which sets back efforts for stronger sentencing for rapists and sex offenders. I was already pissed off enough that a scam run during the 2004 presidential election meant to confuse people’s political parties and polling places used a petition for stronger sentencing for rapists as part of their ploy.

To be honest, there is only one person I would ever wish rape on in this world. The man is a criminal, an abuser, a child molester, and he deserves both prison time and to take it up the ass sans-lube his first week in. This is why I am not in the legal profession.

But no one, male or female, deserves to be raped for how they dressed, for flirting at a party, for getting drunk, for getting high, or any of the other reasons that are usually offered up as an explanation. There is never a reason for someone to violate another human being like that. It is a senseless, stupid crime that revolves around power and a thrill.

So please, stop sending this stupid bulletin around. Come on, there’s got to be some better quizzes we can steal from Myspace posts.