Single Dad Warms The Internet’s Heart After Protecting Daughter From Judgy GF

Most parents consider their children their biggest priorities in life, and their parenting styles tend to reflect that. However, those styles also differ a great deal from person to person.

For this single father, it all came to a head when his long-term girlfriend watched his daughter one night while he was out. Needless to say, some words were exchanged, and what the girlfriend said to the daughter did not sit well with this dad.

Taking it slow

By the time he looked for advice on Reddit, the man about to tell his story had been seeing his girlfriend for three years.

Man in blue hoodie looking conflicted while leaning elbow on table
Guillaume Issaly/unsplash+
Guillaume Issaly/unsplash+

In his words, “I’m a widower, so I wanted to make sure that our relationship was serious before I was ok with her moving in with me and my daughter.”

A promising start

Six months before his post, however, it seemed the man was confident enough in the relationship for all three of them to live in the same house.

couple eating takeout on the floor after moving in together
Getty Images/unsplash+
Getty Images/unsplash+

And as he told it, things went well for a few months, and his girlfriend and daughter largely got along.

Some clear boundaries

The man also mentioned that at the beginning of his relationship with this woman, he was clear that it was neither necessary nor desirable for her to take on the role of the daughter’s stepmom.

Dad with long dreadlocks leans against house with teen daughter in tie-dye shirt
Jayson Hinrichsen/unsplash+
Jayson Hinrichsen/unsplash+

It is his view that since the daughter is 16 years old, “She’s old enough that she doesn’t need a ‘new mom.'”

No reason to worry

And that was the understanding the father had on one weekend when he went on a camping trip with some friends. This left his daughter and his girlfriend at home together.

woman posing with hat and 'shine on you' shirt in front of storefront
Allef Vinicius/unsplash
Allef Vinicius/unsplash

This was also a weekend that saw his daughter attend a party, and she had already cleared her attendance with him.

Returning to drama

However, by the time the father returned, he had learned that his household had not been as peaceful as he would’ve assumed.

woman leaning down on bed during heated argument with other woman
Ayo Ogunseinde/unsplash
Ayo Ogunseinde/unsplash

Although his daughter did go to the party as planned, she told her dad that his girlfriend did not make that as easy as she would have hoped.

She put her foot down

Apparently, the girlfriend had a problem with the makeup the teen was wearing.

Teenage girl with red hair and freckles in makeup
Shot by Cerqueira/unsplash
Shot by Cerqueira/unsplash

The dad didn’t specify her look, but he relayed that she said his daughter had to go with a less “provocative” style before she was allowed to leave the house.

A broken agreement

This news made the man angry as he didn’t consider it his girlfriend’s place to order his daughter around. After all, he had long established that he wasn’t looking for her stepmom.

man with beard looking quietly angry in front of natural scene
Christopher Luther/unsplash
Christopher Luther/unsplash

And he was especially incensed at the idea that the girlfriend thought she could prevent the teen from doing something he had already agreed to.

An icy aftermath

This response apparently led the couple into a severe argument that barely left them on speaking terms in the following days.

Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston awkwardly sitting on couch with distance between them in The Break-Up
Universal Studios via MovieStillsDb
Universal Studios via MovieStillsDb

Although the dad resented the idea of his girlfriend appointing herself as his daughter’s babysitter, he nonetheless wondered if he had handled the situation appropriately.

A strong consensus

For the most part, commenters agreed with the father’s response and felt that his girlfriend had overstepped some clearly-defined boundaries.

women leaning out of window and waving
Ave Calvar/unsplash+
Ave Calvar/unsplash+

While some were hesitant about the rule until they were made aware of the daughter’s age, they were less than impressed by what the girlfriend was implying when they found out she was 16.

A stepmom’s perspective

Speaking from experience, one woman in a similar living situation thought that it was natural to have some concerns about the minor she shared a home with.

Amy Stoch driving car as Missy Preston in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
De Laurentiis Entertainment Group/Interscope Communications/Orion Pictures via MovieStillsDb/Orion
De Laurentiis Entertainment Group/Interscope Communications/Orion Pictures via MovieStillsDb/Orion

And indeed, she thought it was an issue when her husband’s nine-year-old daughter started wearing makeup to school.

Yet she wasn’t really disagreeing

However, she noted the difference in her situation, which was that she expressed her concerns privately to the girl’s biological parents, whereupon all three parties came to an agreement.

Ed Harris talking to Jena Malone next to model sailboat in Stepmom
Columbia Pictures via MovieStillsDb
Columbia Pictures via MovieStillsDb

And other than cases where the teen is in imminent physical danger, the woman didn’t see any reason to step in on the daughter’s aesthetic choices unilaterally.

A reconciliation proposal

But while it likely felt affirming for the dad to see such widespread validation, some instead tried to focus on finding a productive way forward in the relationship.

Lorraine Bracco as Dr. Jennifer Melfi in The Sopranos
HBO via MovieStillsDb
HBO via MovieStillsDb

As one commenter said, “Conversations like this aren’t a one-stop shop; they need to be revisited as the relationship and dynamics evolve.”

A heart-to-heart

That person went on to make the following suggestion: “I would have a calm talk and gently remind her that you appreciate her concern but do not want her input with your daughter unless it impacts your gf.”

couple lying down together in the road
Joanna Nix-Walkup/unsplash
Joanna Nix-Walkup/unsplash

Four days after his initial post, the man made an update that noted this was only one of many posts making this suggestion.

A sinking feeling

These comments led him to try having a long talk with his girlfriend about the boundaries they had discussed and their relationship in general.

man with map looking shocked while woman ignores him in RV
Jakob Owens/unsplash
Jakob Owens/unsplash

However, it was hard to feel encouraged by this as he warned, “Unfortunately, this update is not exactly a happy one.”

She couldn’t take this back

Apparently, their discussion had started to devolve into another argument when the girlfriend stated why she felt it was so important that the daughter wash her initial makeup look off.

woman with sweaty face looking perturbed
Sam Moghadam Khamseh/unsplash
Sam Moghadam Khamseh/unsplash

Without repeating the word, it’s worth noting that she described the teen’s makeup look with a derogatory term often used to shame a woman’s attire and flirtatious attitude.

The last straw

As far as the man was concerned, that word and his daughter didn’t belong in the same sentence. So as he wrote, “For me, that was just too much.”

Alexander Skarsgård reacting with shock in Big Little Lies
HBO via MovieStillsDb
HBO via MovieStillsDb

By that, he meant that the girlfriend was no longer welcome at his house.

A conflicting end

Just hours after that conversation, the girlfriend moved out and was out of the house by the evening.

woman leaning out of train window and looking back
Joshua Rawson-Harris/unsplash
Joshua Rawson-Harris/unsplash

Given how quickly his relationship spiraled downward, the man was left wondering whether he had made the right decision in kicking her out.

He still loves his GF

On the one hand, it was staggering for the man to think that a three-year relationship could come to an end so abruptly after going well for so long.

Sad young man holding burning heart-shaped box of chocolates
Jakob Rosen/unsplash
Jakob Rosen/unsplash

And even after that fight, the man affirmed that he did truly love his girlfriend.

The first priority: his daughter

But regardless of his feelings for the woman and how hard his decision seemed, it wasn’t one that he felt he could back down on.

Billy Burke as Charlie Swann carrying Kristen Stewart as Bella Swann in his arms in Twilight New Moon
Summit Entertainment via MovieStillsDb
Summit Entertainment via MovieStillsDb

As the man wrote, “I just couldn’t let anyone talk that way about my daughter.”

Incommunicado

If the man had intended to stay in touch with the girlfriend after she moved out, he quickly discovered this was unlikely to happen.

man and woman holding hands but facing away from each other
Andrik Langfield/unsplash
Andrik Langfield/unsplash

Because other than her texting him to say when she would pick up the rest of her belongings, the former couple has been silent.

Back to square one

Ultimately, the man decided that he didn’t regret his decision even if he was saddened by its dramatic results.

Man putting head close to daughter on her birthday
Andrej Lišakov/unsplash+
Andrej Lišakov/unsplash+

He also wasn’t exactly looking forward to the single life again.

Widespread support

After the man mentioned feeling conflicted about his decision, many commenters were quick to reassure him that he did the right thing.

Man hunching over while hands comfort him
Jon Tyson/unsplash
Jon Tyson/unsplash

While they understood how sad he must feel in the aftermath, they were impressed by his willingness to sacrifice his relationship for his daughter’s sake.

A pivotal age

One commenter further pointed out that 16 is a more tender age than people realize for parents to nurture relationships with their children. In particular, this person remembered how harshly their parents reacted over similarly petty matters.

Lindsay Lohan smiling over school books as Cady Heron in Mean Girls
Paramount Pictures via MovieStillsDb
Paramount Pictures via MovieStillsDb

In their words, “Your daughter will never forget you backing her up now, like I’ll never forget my own parents [dumping] me.”

Grasping at straws

Although the man’s story attracted a great deal of support, some felt compelled to take the girlfriend’s side. However, arguing in her favor seemed a struggle for them.

man and woman looking self-satisfied on boat
Getty Images/unsplash+
Getty Images/unsplash+

Some commenters apparently thought she was right to police the daughter’s makeup and clothing choices with a slippery slope argument that suggested she would one day become a single parent herself.

Rebuttal

The father felt this argument had some logical issues, especially speaking as someone who has walked the exact road the commenter was alluding to.

chelsey-faucher-SAWQO8M740w-unsplash
Chelsey Faucher/Unsplash
Chelsey Faucher/Unsplash

As he put it, “I became a father at 17, and my then girlfriend was a typical tomboy. It wasn’t her appearance that caused the pregnancy; it was my stupidity.”

Further speculation

One commenter, in particular, seemed keen to accuse the man of using his girlfriend as a domestic servant while shutting her out of the actual decision-making aspects of parenting.

man pointing in accusatory manner
Adi Goldstein/unsplash
Adi Goldstein/unsplash

In other words, they were convinced he was trying to have her fulfill the labor of a parent with none of the authority. Apparently, this was based on the fact that he didn’t mention how much work she had done around the house before she moved out.

A lot of assumptions

This commenter seemed convinced that the dad hadn’t mentioned the household division of labor because he was hiding something about its inequality rather than because it wasn’t relevant to the story. From there, they jumped to conclusions about the kind of partner he was.

woman stirring salad while man holds bowl of food
Michael Tucker/unsplash+
Michael Tucker/unsplash+

In response, he affirmed that his daughter is more independent than they realized and reiterated that he did not ask the girlfriend to stay home and watch over her. She just happened to want to stay home that weekend.

Another theory

Finally, others seemed insistent that the dad doesn’t know what his daughter wears when she goes out as much as he thinks he does.

girl in glasses looking through closet
Rainier Ridao/unsplash
Rainier Ridao/unsplash

Presumably, their implication was that the girlfriend caught her with makeup and attire that she had been hiding from him.

Not as wise as they think

Putting aside how these commenters could be so confident in this assertion despite never seeing the outfit or makeup in question, the father assured them that he knows what his daughter wears everywhere.

man in backwards baseball cap putting hand on his head in confusion.
Sander Sammy/unsplash
Sander Sammy/unsplash

That’s because she tends to post about nights out like that party on Instagram, and he’s open about following her.

A relationship of trust

What he knows or doesn’t know aside, the father went on to say that he’s not afraid to tell her if he feels she’s wearing something inappropriate but that skirts and crop tops don’t meet that definition in and of themselves.

dad with dreadlocks sits next to daughter in tie-dye shirt among colorful lack-o-lantern deocrations for Halloween
Jayson Hinrichsen/unsplash+
Jayson Hinrichsen/unsplash+

He said, “I worked hard to build a relationship with my daughter where she can feel comfortable expressing herself whether it’s through clothes, hair or makeup without having to fear any judgment or criticism from me.”