Summer Diary: Bring Me Hope

Do you know real me? Do you know who am I? Can you describe me just in three short words? But why do you judge me? Why do you bully me? I didn’t hurt you. I couldn’t do this because you are like a white flag, innocent person. So, tell me why?

Yeah, the last days were more than hard to me. I don’t have any super power or super talent. I’m just myself. And it makes that some people want to bring me down. It kills me. They use my weakness. I don’t want to be the same as they. It creates the problem. I don’t support hurt and pain. For me, life and happiness is a treasure. Maybe I meet the wrong people on my way. But if these people are the closest to you?

I know that darkness isn’t good. Sometimes the dark oxygen can wake me up. I struggle all the time with the past and a sad future. Brutal life lesson breaks my soul. But I hope that you bring me hope. I don’t want to anything more out of life. And again I get lost in the millions of words…

My dreams and life goals quietly leave me in the land of grayness where the rainbow is the biggest crime. I’m unwanted in reality of falsehood. People can be dangerous in words. You can be the next victim. When I go back to my world I feel the emptiness. Buzznet is like a Wonderland. Almost no one knows how much I love this place. Why? They don’t understand. I’m 24 and I should be like everyone. But I want to stay myself. This is my the worst sin. “I’m too old to be a blogger”. And I can’t enjoy my happiness from Buzznet with the closest. They don’t care….

Bad words. I hate vulgarity. They are not a words, this is the violence, the pain. As already I mentioned happened to me something difficult. I was called “a pig”, and I heard not nice words about myself as “w!@#e” etc It made me sick. I wasn’t the same girl like now. I felt like a wounded cat. I needed hope.

And happened the worse. I lost my weight.. a little by this situation. I don’t know why. I don’t know any answer to this question. But I don’t want to be treated like someone worse. It makes that I feel like a trash. I want to stay healthy against bad part of the world. Level of my private life(pain, problems, suffer) kills my souls…

I spent this weak with my art. I know how horrible I’m. My English is terrible but I learn myself alone. I wrote new lyrics and I drew new drawings. But maybe the people have right that it doesn’t have any sense. I don’t want to give up because art is my inspiration and the best oxygen. It hurts when you are criticized without any reason. I dream about inspired people to fight with eating disorders, self harm etc but I don’t know if someone wants to hear me.

But in this hard time happened great things. These inspired me so much. I think about dicover Killer Youth . I love entry with @mynxiiwhite @callinamarie and @brittanyhagerty and another artists too. These motivated me more to not give up. “Be You, Not Them” is the best motto.

I believe that interview with my great friend @kenztorres and amazing singer @kelsinyoface brought on neoweltschmerz more happiness and hope.

Btw, I want to recommend you “Ghost Town” by @kelsinyoface I’m addicted from this song, always makes me happy.

Love You,