Starting Fresh

I have made a big change in my life and moved to sin city, Las Vegas. I have no idea what made me do but I have done it. I think it’s because I needed a new start and change in my life. I have also become a brunette (GASP, I know legally blonde no more). I’m about turn 21 in a month and things are just all about starting fresh. Starting fresh usually comes because of heartbreak, being kicked down, and losing a sense of who you are or how I like to describe it, The OH SHIT moment.

My Oh Shit moment occured in a parking lot where I thought things would go back to normal but instead I realized that I might of completly screwed up and things have been ruined. I ran into Hollywood and he barely said more than a sentence to me. He was completly cold and I was suddenly taken back. In my head I pictured the rendezvous going a lot smoother. One of those I don’t hold a grudge. I remember when he texted me one night telling me that I hold this grudge towards him. Maybe it was because it’s what he had did to me. I never expected him to hold one on me now. Maybe it was because I blocked him on twitter. Somebody asked me if that was the end all be all moment. All I thought about in that spot was that I should of done it sooner and things were reuined long before I hit blocked. The moment for me was a big one because I realized that I’m over him.

For me things happen differently. I usually have a lot of doors open at once and of course they all close at once. And then a fluke happens, one door opens and that door stays open. Yesterday I had a conference call with the producers of a show that I had watched for a while. They were looking for someone to talk popculture with next to their star host. I know popculture, and I feel like I blew it. I’m one of those people that HATE telling people why I deserve a job or be perfect for it. I’m much better at showing and feel like I truly shine. Words can be altered, tell lies, and be misunderstood. If you show someone I feel like they can get a better understanding of what you can bring. I of course felt like I could of explained myself better (showing what I could bring wasn’t an option) but in the end if it’s not meant to happen, It’s not meant to happen. Some other doors opened but they also all closed. The moment occured to me that I will probably have to open a billion doors before the perfect one is shinning.

My other Oh shit moment, this blog. I wonder if people read it, if they enjoy it. I’m not given the same opportunities as others, but I work really hard to make it as exciting as there’s. I’m not a dancer, or dating a musician or a model. I’m just me, trying to make a dream a reality. I don’t have the social media numbers, the following, or the big names and all those come with bigger opportunites. I hope you guys enjoy what I work on and share with you for the past 5 years. I feel like everyone and their mother has a blog nowadays.

In the end the OH SHIT moments are powerful and can be used to your advantage. I was told that if you start writting down your goals you’re 30% more likely to accomplish them. I always say it’s good to have a big goal and a small goal. The big goal won’t happen right away, it’s more like 5- 10 years. The small goal is more attainable and will happen more quickly.

Remember to be you, breathe, keep fighting, be classy with a dash of sass and believe that you are worthy.