Wednesday 8/21/13

I’m going back to school on monday-

And I’m terrified.

I am absolutely, positively terrified.

It’s stupid, I’ll admit that, but it doesn’t change how I feel.

I know, it’s crazy- I go to a private school so I have the same thirty classmates every year.

Why am I so scared?

Because I can’t face the fucking facts.

Just wait til you get to college, I tell myself, you’re going to crumble under the pressure.

I can’t crumble under the pressure, I just can’t.

I’m not ready for the school year to begin, I’m really not.

I’m growing up, but so is everyone else.

They have their own problems to deal with, their own work.

How do they seem so calm and collected when I am a mess?

I don’t like being the girl who’s always laughing and cracking jokes- the one I can talk to, to forget everything else and have a good time.

But I have to because if I don’t, who will?

The school year hasn’t even started yet and I’m crumbling under the pressure- hell, I’ve already crumbled.

The anxiety is killing me, and I can’t even admit it.