HEARTBLOG: My Maybe Last Words
It was a heavy news weekend right, fell asleep Sunday night to helicopters and riots near my house and was overwhelmed with the overwhelmingness of it all. The world is desperate lately, and incredibly sad.
This wasn’t my news of course, and I don’t take ownership for any of it, but it’s news that’s been happening in my world, and because of that affects how I live my life. I had an odd thing happen… I wanted to run around forgiving every person I had ever met and hugging the same ones. Emotions get the best of me.
So, I did the unthinkable, after 1 year and 7 months of silence, I broke that silence, because I had enough of the stories and the people telling me that bandwagons were being turned and lives ruined. I felt what I always felt. I just found a way to forget I felt- that love is forever, and that although, clearly I was not loved back, I could never shut off my need to protect the things I loved. And my thought, laying in bed that night was…if I wake up tomorrow and the story on the news was you, how will I live with myself. Maybe the things I hear are false, but I’ve learned in showbiz that even the biggest rumors usually begin with a planted seed of truth.
so, I broke the silence, and I realized (again) the worst part about love. Love doesn’t save people the way you wish it would, most people who are loved won’t accept it and that we are all living our own stories- and no amount of love is going to turn off our desire for the things that hurt us, or are bad for us. One day we might not need protecting or one day we might die and there really is nothing to do about that except make peace with the words in your heart that you need to say and say them. Say them not wanting an answer back, but say them because if you really fucking love someone you would.
++psst it’s Matt Nathanson day. Happy new record Matt.