The Cast of Daria: Where Are They Now?

I’ve been watching tons of Daria on DVD lately. I’m convinced she’s my spirit animal. One day it just hit me: Daria is the most intelligent thing MTV has ever aired. Sure TRL holds a very special place in my heart, but Daria, in all it’s cartoon goodness, is the real thing. I can’t even remember the last time I actually watched MTV. I sort of tuned it out once TRL ended and I started seeing pregnant teens and wannabe bad asses rule the air. Daria had a brain. She told it like it is. When was the last time we saw someone on MTV who was headstrong, semi-cynical (but only because the people around her lacked any substance) and still yet so vulnerable?

All of that pondering made me wonder what the cast of Daria would be up to today. Let’s take a look on this Throwback Thursday! But first….. la la la la la…

Daria Morgendorffer

After graduating from Lawndale High, Daria went to a college of her choice, met some intelligent people she could actually relate to (including Jane) and became a famous writer. She has her own column called You’re Standing On My Neck and is the new producer of Sick Sad World.

Jane Lane

Jane went to art school, wowed all of her professors and is now the proud owner of her own art gallery.

Quinn Morgendorffer

Quinn eventually married a rich doctor, had a couple of kids and has joined The Fashion Club for moms.

Jake and Helen Morgendorffer

Jake and Helen quit their hectic jobs, moved out into the Boondocks and started a brand new stress free life. Their marriage has never been hotter.

Sandi Griffin

Sandi joined the cast of a reality show. She now gets to boss people around, act like a bitch and get paid for it! Her voice is now the voice of nasal spray commercials.

Stacy Rowe

Stacy still can’t manage to think for herself so she moved to Brooklyn with Tiffany and became a hipster. She secretly listens to Top 40. She really does mean well, though.

Tiffany Blum-Deckler

Tiffany moved to Brooklyn with Stacy because whyyyyyyy noooootttt riiiiiiight? She is now a hipster who gets to hangggg wiiiith allll the unknownnnn baaaands. Cooooool. Her most famous quote is “does thiiiis fedoraaa makkkee me loook faaaat?”

Brittany Taylor and Kevin Thompson

Brittany and Kevin eventually got married once they remembered to. Kevin winds up being a quarterback in the NFL and Brittany becomes an NFL cheerleader. They have 4 kids, a big mansion and a dog that they think is theirs but is really the next door neighbor’s. They named it Dog.

Jodie Landon and Michael “Mack” Mackenzie

Jodie gets into Harvard, buys her own company and marries Mack. Mack is the head of a major corporation. They have 2 children.

Charles “Upchuck” Ruttheimer III

Upchuck is Mark Zukerberg.

Trent Lane

Trent eventually figures out that you can put your own music up on the internet. “Whoaa!” Mystic Spiral gains a shitload of fans and have built themselves a little following. He realizes that Daria is his soul mate and proposes. She said yes, but not enthusiastically.

Andrea

Andrea joined the FBI.

Mr. DeMartino

Eventually his eye fell out. He checked himself into a psychiatric facility. He’s been AWOL since.

Mr. O’Neill

Mr. O’Neill quit teaching and became a hippie.

Ms. Li

Ms. Li is still the principal of Lawndale High. She’s still out of touch and money hungry.

Ms. Barch

Ms. Barch married Mr. O’Neill and joined him in hippiedom. She still hates men, but not her husband…who she keeps wrapped around her finger.

Tom Sloane

Tom eventually moved to New York, became a hipster and now dates Stacy on and off.

The End

Related:

45 of the Best Daria Quotes

What do you think happened to the cast of Daria? Let’s nerd out! 😛

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