Back in time. This weekend I spent so weird. I found at home so old documents(1900-1940 etc) and one letter from 1841. I touched the history and it was so nice.

But today I want to say about myself. I had to post the next interview about bully but I couldn’t . So, now who I am? Sometimes or often I don’t know. I trying be someone who is accepted but it doesn’t allow me to be myself.

My first breath was almost 23 years ago. I don’t remember. It was weird time in my country. I was so small and always sick. I remember still the doctors at home which visited me. I had problems with tummy etc

And from childhood I remember too much. My family doesn’t know but the quarrels, some horrible situations, calling help, ran away, something about suicide, my mom at hospital so long time, I lived in the another city with grandparents, the fear… I was a little, just 5 years but still remember it and really it will be always in my heart.

When I went to the school was so hard. I hard problem and I couldn’t say the words like “r, s,z” and I went to logopedistabout 2/3 years what was awful. I knew that I’ll have by it the problem with foreign languages but I was quiet, I didn’t want that the teachers know.

My primary school wasn’t the same like schools in city where I live. We learned another and when I went to the secondary school it was the shock for me. So big shock.

The bully it met me. Just guys in my class knew about it. The teachers was blind because my class wasn’t too wonderful. Sometimes in every week we had a met with police, psychologist etc They destroyed one or two teachers, one girl which left from the school and was some horrible stuffs. Thanks the secondary school I discovered the self harm. When my family was in hard situations the teachers didn’t know- but some persons from my class knew and just laughed from it. My dad was in arrest…. In my city was big corruption affair, I remember my dad in tv, newspapers… I remember the police at home andthe most terrible stuffs. No one wanted to help us, no one!!! Even family…. And by it when I was 16, I heard that if will be worse I can go to the children’s home but I went to the high school.

I was so lucky that I was so great high school, there was so hard moments but it was the secret. I had the moments when I wanted to die so so so much but I fought with it. I wanted to say some teacher about it but I couldn’t be problem. I knew that they have too many stuffs to do. I didn’tdeserve to talk. But was two persons which knew that happenings something not good with me. The one teacher asked me if everything is ok a few times but it was during lesson and I couldn’t say that everyone knewwhat was with me, and also was one worker which was so good and didn’t noticed about my problems but I counted so much on it :/

Soon, I’ll say more…..

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