Sober REALLY IS Sexy

I decided to eliminate alcohol from my life for a bunch of different reasons. I’ve been thinking about eliminating alcohol from my life for a while now but never really got serious about it. This morning I woke up from a night of heavy drinking ( for me at least) with my best friend and some family. I was drinking wine and after one glass I was buzzed. After two, I was drunk. I knew my limit, yet I continued to drink. I had six and a half glasses of wine. I woke up this morning feeling miserable. Headache, dizziness, heart palpitations, nausea etc…. I said to myself “I am NOT drinking anymore.” However, I’ve said to myself MANY times before when waking up with a hangover. Something was different about today though. You see, I also woke up to the news of the Colorado shooting. It was one of those moments where I just took a moment to reflect on my life. An incident as terrible as a shooting can REALLY make a person reevaluate things in their life. You realize just how precious our time is with our loved ones, because you really never know what could happen.

I have some pretty brutal alcohol related stories. I would be able to drink and have a good time and act normal. However, I’ve had a lot of bad times with alcohol too. I’ve thrown up in bars, clubs, on the street in public. I’ve gotten into numerous fights. I can’t even count on two hands the number of times I’ve fought with my boyfriend about NOTHING when I’ve been under the influence of alcohol. My boyfriend is the most amazing person in my life right now, and he doesn’t deserve me treating him poorly just because I decided to have a few drinks more than my “limit”. I’ve wandered off alone and have gotten lost –in New York City. I’ve woken up not knowing how I got home –though I have NEVER driven drunk. I would NEVER. I’ve blacked out and have had times where I can barely recall the events of the night before. I would drink so much that I would trip and fall in public. I’ve passed out in clubs. I wouldn’t be able to walk without help from my friends. THANK GOD I have such amazing friends that would take care of me when I would get like that.

I know that that’s a BIG part of the reason why my parents sent me to Las Vegas to spend some time with family. I was going out to party and drink pretty much every night. I was going nowhere fast. It was self destructive behavior. I was dealing with a lot of personal demons. I would drink to not have to deal with anything. They say alcohol is a drug, I think that’s very true. I’ve never done any other sort of drugs though. I mean, I’ve smoked pot before but I HATED how it made me feel, so I haven’t done it in a WHILEEEEEEE and I don’t plan on ever doing it again. As far as other drugs, I’ve never even tried them. Alcohol was my drug of choice. Anyway, When I would be out drinking, I think I would use alcohol as a clutch. I used to be really insecure and scared of being judged, so I would drink and then that way whatever I thought I was being judged for I could blame on the alcohol. I would know when I was at my limit and I would keep drinking anyway until I inevitably became belligerent. When I went to Vegas and had a lot of time without alcohol, it was almost like a detox. During my time in Vegas I was able to have a clear head and really think of ways to resolve pretty much all of the problems in my life. I was forced to confront my issues. It was there where I decided what I want to do with my life.

When I moved to LA I started drinking again. Not as bad or as often as I was in New York City, but I would still have my nights that were pretty unnecessary. Especially when I would pick stupid/nothing fights with my boyfriend like I said before. I eventually met a girl who I work with that really inspired me. Her name? Hanna Beth. Hanna showed me that you could be sober, go out, have fun, look gorgeous and still be considered awesome. I really admired her. Hanna also has a clothing line titled Sober Is Sexy. When we became friends, I would go to her weekly parties at Lexington Social House –usually late because I would spend too much time pre gaming. When I would get there ( already buzzed ), Hanna would be sippin on a Red Bull. I felt like a jackass –on numerous occasions. I envied her strength to be able to have the confidence to still dance and basically own the room –and be SOBER. However, I continued on with my vicious cycle. I would drink, wake up hungover, vow to never drink again, and then repeat a few days later. That’s what I’ve been doing.

It wasn’t until TODAY that I woke up and FINALLY just came to a realization that I simply don’t need alcohol in my life. It’s never really been a good thing for me. It’s made good nights bad, bad nights worse, and even nights that were good where the alcohol didn’t effect me –would be ruined with a hangover the next day. For example, this morning. So when I woke up feeling this crumby and then hearing such tragic news, I just sort of thought to myself, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”. Life is too short to have nights you don’t remember. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t even need to drink to have a good time. I’m very energetic and outgoing, I just don’t need it. Like I said before, I would just drink because of my inseccurities and to avoid my problems. I’m at a point in my life where I’m really making things happen for myself. I have an amazing job that has opened so many doors for me. I’ve gotten to experience a lot of amazing oppurtunities. I’m working on launching a clothing line. I have a great boyfriend. I have an amazing family, and I’ve ( for the most part ) repaired the damage that I’ve caused in my relationships with certain family members. One day at a time. I have the best friends. Another big one? I’m on television. It’s bad enough that people think they know me just by what they see on TV. I have a platform being on television. I want to be a role model for girls like me. I want to show young people LOOK.. LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO.. YOU CAN MAKE A BUNCH OF MISTAKES AND YOU CAN LET THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE DOWN AND STILL COME OUT ON TOP –AS LONG AS YOU REALIZE AND ADMIT YOUR ACTIONS AND ARE WILLING TO MAKE CHANGES –YOU CAN GROW AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND –YOU CAN COME OUT ON TOP AND PROVE EVERYONE WRONG THAT DOUBTS YOU. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. It’s NEVER too late to turn your life around. I’ve turned my life around in a lot of ways. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of toxic people from my life, I got my goals in order, and now I’m working on my own business. I couldn’t be happier. Granted, there’s still a lot of things that I have to work on, and I am. That’s part of growing. That’s life. It’s about being able to say, YEP.. I f**ked up.. Time to fix it. Or, WOW, I’ve been an idiot, time to get back on track. Life is a series of changes and events that cause us to constantly grow as a human being. Sobriety is just one more thing I’m doing to improve myself. I think I will feel better, look better and act better.


1.) Your friends and family will be happy to see and count on you again. If you are continually doing things that are self-indulgent or hurtful to those you love, they have no choice but to eventually turn away from you

2.) You will like yourself better. Once you give up your habit, you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and smile. You also won’t be sick and tired of being sick and tired.

3.) You will have more joy in experiencing a day rather than sleeping through it. When the demon has you in its grip, you have no life.

4.) You are now available to follow (and reach) your dreams. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself because you haven’t achieved your goals, you will be able to take the necessary steps to get there.

5.) You will have more money. Many people who are addicted spend all their money on their drug of choice. For me it was alcohol. Sober, you no longer have that extra expense and you are capable of earning more.

So here I go… Day 1 of sobriety… WISH ME LUCK!