FEEL. Feelings. Love. Goodbyes.
Feelings: on my drive home from dropping you off, I replayed the “goodbye” action a couple times in my head. I HATE goodbyes. They are the worst. Because, not to be non optimistic, but you never know if you will “See you soon”.. depressing I know! wah wah wah sue me. But It’s true. All these freak accidents and things make you REALLY appreciate the time, and health you have with someone. So when I’m giving that goodbye kiss, memories start flooding into my head as my eyes are closed and my lips touch yours, about the this morning, the past couple days, last week, and heck, the first day we met. And I am so grateful for what has changed, grown, transformed into what we call in this moment “perfect” Where as in 3 months it may (will be) perfect then… making each time, better and better than the next.
Back to FEELINGS. Ew. to feel something. either so passionate, so negative, so empty, so loving, so angry, so lonely, so warm. They are all extreme and I can feel them. With every ounce of my body. I haven’t felt something in a LONG time. Genuine REAL feelings. Feelings that mean something to feel. To be honest, I am not a fan… WHAT? did I just say I don’t like to feel? Yes. It’s hard. It is hard to invest whole heartedly into something that can possible give you an EXTREME feeling of worthlessness, nothingness, and no one ness. But then I can live the rest of my life as exciting as the pen I used to write this journal entry…Boring, give me the broken heart any day. “to feel is to learn, to learn is to grow, and to grow is to you becoming the best YOU, that YOU can possibly be.” – Me I just made that up now. And I will tweet that tomorrow. rad. anyways…. back to those mushy things that turn your stomach inside out.. For me, from the things I have gone through personally with people, I just like to stay as disconnected and arms length away to “save myself” … ? What? that makes NO sense. “Save myself??” from what?? Meeting new people, becoming attatched to someone? needing someone? Possibly falling in L…Lo..Llllooovvv..LOVE? FALL Fall hard. FEEL IT! LOVE SOMEONE! LET THEM LOVE YOU! because I’ll tell you. It FEELS damn good.
A hilarious photo to go along with this entry lol.