Buzznet Storytellers #15: They B Stealin Mai Cake

Birthday time and I do not get along. When I think about it, my birthday and I could be estranged family members. Maybe it could be a moderately well to do cousin or something like that. They come into town once a year and usually have some odd gift from one of their travels to drop on your person in an attempt at thanking you for not making them stay at a Motel 6. It happens.

Ticklish baby otter – The perfect text breaker

To protect against birthday shenanigans, I never tell anyone the date of my birthday so that it can just come and go. I know a few people have found out here and there but most of them that I know IRL know that my phone is usually off and that I leave town to be away from everything.

I remember one birthday where I bought a bunch of junk food, ate it in bed, and then felt like death. That was pretty cool. For a long time I had a dream of just renting some shitty hotel room and drinking a bottle of Jack, but I would probably really die and that would suck. I don’t drink that much to begin with and that’s probably not good for your liver.

That isn’t to say that I never had birthday times as a kid because I did. I never had like, actual birthday parties where I would have friends over because I couldn’t have people at my house when I was growing up. My mom used to “grow trees” in our back yard and there was just general shadiness happening that prevented people from coming over.

I suppose that when you are kid, that’s just the way things go and you don’t really know any better. It’s not until you are a big people when you finally realize what a hot mess certain things were and then you can either hate stuff (like I did for a long time) or just let it go (trying).

Being an adult means you can get your own therapy and trust me honey boo boo childs, that stuff works WONDERS.

Yay everything is rainbows!

And so now, well, here I am. A non birthday celebrating man hermit that is happy in my land of gifs, baby otter photos, and bike rides. I have no cake because I am too busy making sure that I enjoy my present. DYSWIDT? Anymews, that is all. Go party like it’s your birthday, everyday.

~ F I N ~