A Girl’s Guide To Being Friends With Girls: Promiscuosityism

What do you consider “promiscuous?”

By that, I mean, at what point does a girl go from having a normal amount of sex to being promiscuous? What number qualifies her for that title?

Guess what: there is no answer to that question. Oh, there might be a personal definition that differs from person to person, but there’s nothing universal. Some people might think 10 or more people makes you promiscuous. Some might think it’s more than 2. And there’s some people that are going to say if you have sex with anyone before you’re married, you’re promiscuous.

Makes it a little confusing, huh?

So then, why the hell does the world teach us girls to attack each other (and sometimes ourselves) over our perceptions of promiscuity?

I don’t know, But I know it sucks.

Why Does Everyone Care About Your Lady Business?

There are a lot of places that put a lot of emphasis on virginity and purity, as if it is all a girl is worth.

There are a lot of places that put a lot of emphasis on being sexy/sexual, as if your willingness to have sex is all you are worth.

You are being sent these messages at the exact same time.

I do not blame you if you feel confused.

I’ve talked about this in other places, but I want to address it directly in this column: your virginity is YOUR VIRGINITY. You wanna keep it? Keep it. There’s nothing wrong with that. You wanna lose it? Be safe about it. There’s also nothing wrong with that. You are the only one who gets to decide how important it is to you.

And that’s TO YOU. Nobody else’s sex life is your business. Real or perceived.

Perception Versus Reality

Someone being sexy doesn’t mean they’re having sex.

Pretty simple, right? Except for the part where we tend to associate one with the other automatically. Girl wearing something that shows off her cleavage or legs? Slut. Girl confidently talking with a group of guys? Whore. Girl taking sexy pictures of herself? Slutty Slut Slut Slut. Girl dating a guy you’re into? Hobag.

It’s not really our fault. Like I always try to point out, that’s the message we’re sent. Boys want girls who act sexy! But they won’t want girls who give it away too easily, and those are girls who act/dress sexy! You need boys to like you!

You can chase the circular logic all you want. It will never make sense. So what do you do?

What You Do

You stop calling other girls “sluts” and “whores.” Just stop it. I don’t care if, in your opinion, they are sleeping with “too many” people. That’s not your call to make.

Besides, you need to realize that promiscuity isn’t a bad thing. It’s not for everyone, obviously, and I am going to stress AGAIN the importance of safe sex. But just because someone else enjoys having sex with a lot of different partners doesn’t affect you. You have sex with who you want to have sex with (or don’t have sex) and let them do as they will.

And as always, keep away from generalizations. Not “all girls” are one way or another. Be yourself, recognize that other girls are being themselves and go with that.

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