Buzznet Presents: 10 More Reasons For the Katy Perry/Russell Brand Divorce

While the world struggles to find sense in this post-Katy and Russell World, we also struggle to discover why, exactly, the marriage failed. So far we’ve seen “Russell cheated,” “Katy didn’t want to start a family,” “Russell didn’t get along with Katy’s parents,” as well as “they just drifted apart.”

And today brings us “Katy was still friends with her ex-boyfriend Travie McCoy (you know, the one she wrote “Circle the Drain” about and who didn’t exactly have anything nice to say about that song?) and it upset Russell.”

Well, now Buzznet is pleased to jump onto this bandwagon with “10 Possible Reasons Katy Perry and Russell Brand Ended Their 14 Months of Marital Bliss (TM).” These are 100% factual, we heard all of this from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard from Katy and Russell that this is why their marriage ended.

  • Russell developed a latex allergy. While this didn’t affect their birth control methods, it did mean he couldn’t hug Katy in 90% of her outfits.
  • Turns out that “Purr for Him” was not only an awful idea, using Russell as the tester ruined the marriage.
  • Ideological falling out: Russell finally had to tell Katy that not all girls smell like strawberries.
  • Alien Mind Control: You thought that ET video was just good special effects? THINK AGAIN.
  • Katy tried British food.
  • Russell tried American beer.
  • Actually, they were never really married. You see, Katy’s evil twin kidnapped her two years ago and took her place.
  • Ideological falling out: Katy finally told Russell what she really thought of his “Arthur” remake.
  • Katy and Russell are still fine, but their cats effing hate each other.
  • And finally: We’re not sure of the details, but we’re pretty sure this is all Kanye West’s fault.