True Blood 4×3: The Recap Party


Ahahahha. *dies laughing*

So Amnesia Eric is 10 kinds of adorable and Sookie is all, I’ll help you get through this but I’m not your f*ckin’ dinner. Meanwhile THE WITCHES are sort of recapping that freaky experience like HOW DARE HE WE HAVE RIGHTS HE WAS UNINVITED which just makes me think of this Alanis Morrissette song:

I’m not sure the process for “turning” someone into a panther (or WEREPANTHER if we’re being specific here) but I guess it’s happening to Jason Stackhouse while gramps tells stories about “Ghost Daddy” which totally sounds like a rap name. I imagine it to be written like: Gho$t Daddy.

Gramps tells some weird tale about ruling nature and a bulimic panther and full moons and whatever whatever.


Have we heard the term “fang-raped” before? Well, now we have.

Then there’s this:

You live here, in my house?


Are you mine?


Do you belong to another vampire?


Do you want to be mine?

SOOKEH. Let’s trade places, yes?

I can’t remember LC’s deal. Hot werewolf something or other? Anyway, back in the picture.

“Panther magic’s takin’ hold of ya… ain’t that great?”

Crystal, what in the eff is going on with your hair?

Marnie. My instinct is to say “…this b*tch” but actually it’s “…this witch“. Maybe I hate her because she shares the name of a very loveable youtube personality:

Also, Marnie is a cutter. TSK TSK.

In the episode we learned about fang-rape we also get exposed to MAN RAPE. That little white trash werepanther fed Jason mexican viagra and had her way with him. Not even cool. Even less cool? The hillbilly pop that was gathering to watch. Wrong wrong wrong.

Ohhh i c wut u did thar Charlene Harris!

The Windsor Fashions fairy comes back to Sookie’s house and is all, “Come with me while you still can!” but Eric shows up all NIKE-d out and starts feeding and homegirl devolves into some ugly Golum-like thing and Sookie says, “YOU JUST KILLED MY FAIRY GODMOTHER.”

That’s pretty much it.