Explaining the Video: Beyonce’s ‘Run the World (Girls)’
Rumor has it the world will be ending on Saturday. Or the Rapture will be happening. Look, something big is supposed to happen that will lead to a post-Apocalyptic setting.
What I have learned from watching Beyonce’s video for “Run the World (Girls)” is important in this situation. And here is the biggest thing I’ve learned:
IF THE WORLD ENDS THIS WEEKEND, DO NOT TRUST BEYONCE AS YOUR LEADER.
The video takes place in a wasteland. And it’s got all the fire and desert and stuff. And in the beginning, it seems like Beyonce’s got the right idea:
Horse! Horse instead of cars/motorcycles/anything that uses gasoline! Because, in this sort of setting, getting your hands on gasoline is going to be REALLY, REALLY HARD. So, having a source of transportation that doesn’t rely on gas? Good idea.
However, horses need food and water, which would also likely be scarce. But…well…Beyonce doesn’t seem to understand the concept of “scarce.”
Okay, I’m just going to point this out right now: in an end-of-civilization scenario, haute couture is not really going to be…well, practical.
SAME GOES FOR OWNING A LION. Once again, this is an animal that needs food and water. In a wasteland. Meat might be easy to find. Water? Not so much. In our current world, clean drinking water is already a valuable resource. So imagine how that will change once we don’t have purifying plants. Or available bottles of Fiji.
But, okay, MAYBE in this future, Beyonce somehow has control of the drinking water. That would explain why, when other people are probably starving, she has designer clothing and a headdress:
Not gonna lie, that is an AWESOME headdress.
But no great leader goes unchallenged. Eventually, an all-male gang shows up to challenge Beyonce. And she meets them, proud and Amazonian.
And she defends herself and her people by…
The other gang is apparently just as confused as I am.
I know, guys. You came here to fight Beyonce and instead she’s dancing. And she will CONTINUE dancing.
You’re telling me that you spent all this money to build a set for a post-Apocalyptic wasteland and all we’re going to get to see is BEYONCE DANCING?
Which, okay, don’t get me wrong, GIRL CAN DANCE. And this isn’t pop diva bump-and-grind stuff, this is seriously BAD ASS dancing. But still, I have to point this out:
Beyonce is facing down a gang of guys who probably want the water and supplies she has that empower her to own animals in the middle of a desert wasteland. These guys have weapons. They almost definitely have guns. AND SHE IS FIGHTING THEM OFF BY DANCING.
Oh, okay. Dancing AND acting like she’s on ecstasy.
At this point, we cut to see the Beyonce has YET ANOTHER DESIGNER OUTFIT and MORE PETS:
We’ll see those pets later. But for NOW, it seems like Beyonce is actually doing some kind of self defense as she jumps on a guy’s back.
While the rest of his gang backs off and lets her. DUDE, GET A NEW GANG. THESE GUYS SUCK.
And you know what would really help her case here? Those two other pets I mentioned:
Yep. Hyenas. Know what this reminded me of?
So, maybe Beyonce’s actual defense here isn’t her dancing or her guards or her animal helpers. Maybe it’s that she’s JUST PLAIN LOOPY.
Her next bit of “self defense” seems to back that up:
Yeah. She crawls under the legs of another gang member.
I personally think this is ridiculous, but Beyonce, like Honey Badger, don’t care.
Okay, so you’re saying, Ashly, I still don’t see why I shouldn’t side with Beyonce during an Apocalypse! She’s got clean clothing, fuzzy animals and, apparently, all the water.
Yes, she has all the water.
Which she proceeds to waste:
“Yes, boys. I have all the clean drinking water. And I’m going to use it to get this great, dramatic image, despite the fact that wasting it will lead to THE DEATH OF EVERYONE.”
But maybe, you say, maybe this is a tactical thing? “Back off or I will kill us all?” Maybe, Beyonce is FINALLY fighting back with some fire power!
YES! EXPLOSIONS! NOW WE ARE IN BUSINESS…
Oh. Wait. Now we’re dancing again.
…in yet another outfit.
In front of a SWAT Team.
You know, maybe Beyonce is doing well in this Apocalypse because the other survivors appear to be DUMB. SWAT TEAM, SHE IS DANCING. WITHOUT ANY KIND OF BODY ARMOR ON. YOU COULD JUST SHOOT HER, YOU KNOW.
BUT THEY DON’T. Despite the fact that she basically teases them.
“I’m right here, guys! I’m laying down, in the dirt, giving you a clear shot at my designer boots. You could shoot out my kneecaps right now and I’d be helpless.”
And you might be thinking, “Well…huh. Maybe she is on drugs.”
AND THEN THIS HAPPENS AND YOU KNOW YOU’RE RIGHT.
UPSIDE DOWN APOCALYPSE DANCE SEQUENCE.
So yeah, Beyonce might be on drugs. OR you might be hallucinating from dehydration because Beyonce decided to use all the clean water for her Slip ‘n Slide of Sexy Drama.
And what do you hallucinate next?
So, Beyonce brings down the SWAT Team with the power of dance. Or something.
Moral of the story? In a REAL Apocalypse, don’t side with Beyonce.
And carry your own water. Because you don’t know WHAT’S in hers.
As usual, this is all in good fun. Please don’t take it too seriously. No disrespect is meant to Beyonce. To watch the full video, head HERE.