Announcing the America’s Next Top Model Academic Conference

So, apparently, a guy by the name of Dave Showalter (sadly, no relation to actor/comedian Michael Showalter) has managed to obtain funding for an academic conference at the University of Chicago. No big deal, right?

Well, except for how this academic conference is all about The Jersey Shore.

Wee, in retaliation to Mr. Showalter’s Jersey Shore conference, I would like to announce my intention to hold a COMPETING conference: a one day scholarly meeting of the top minds in regards to America’s Next Top Model.

A selection of the topics we will be covering:

  • The Jungian implications of makeover week
  • Pack mentality and the emergence of “The Mean One.”
  • “Fierce:” the ever evolving etymology of the term.
  • “It Came From the Catwalk:” evidence that our most recognized showcase for fashion models began as an experiment by extra-terrestrial life forms living on Earth.
  • The parallel between “go-sees” and the mythological “labyrinth” archetype.
  • Strategically placed commercial breaks: metaphor for life or casual annoyance?
  • Tyra Banks as quasi-deity (with special guest instructor Tyra Banks*).

I look forward to seeing all of you in attendance.

*anyone attending this lecture will be required to sign a waiver stating they will not speak to, look at or breathe the same oxygen as Ms. Banks. Anyone violating this waiver will be removed from the lecture hall and executed via firing squad.**

**Sorry, but these are her rules, not ours.***

***Seriously, they were sent to us via a scroll tied to the foot of a particularly rare and intelligent parrot. This is the only way we are allowed to communicate with Ms. Banks. It’s not very efficient.