Leprechaun: The Legacy
Sometimes movies that suck do this thing where they suck so much that they become good. While these train wrecks are popular, they will never be placed in the Criterion Collection. The thing is, someone, somewhere, doesn’t understand that the reason these movies are so popular is because they are horrible and they decide to make sequels/prequels. I mean, look at what happened to Star Wars. I shudder.
Since today is St. Patrick’s Day, let us take a look at Leprechaun. Have you ever seen these movies? I have. That’s a whole lot of time I can’t get back. I’m crying green tears.
Jennifer Aniston. Francis from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. A dude that gets caught in a bear trap. Oh and a spider that scares Jennifer. Are you already amazed? You should be.
So. It turns out that this Leprechaun is in a box in South Dakota and kept in said box because this one dude puts a shamrock on the corner of it. Then, the shamrock falls off or some junk, this one dude puts his head near the crate, and the terror begins.
Oh and because it made $3.2 million dollars in its opening week, someone decided to make a second one.
Same Leprechaun dude, go carts, magic spells, and the line “Kiss me, I’m Irish.”
Welcome to modern day (a Saved By the Bell version) of Los Angeles. The Leprechaun is on the hunt for a bride. Many moons ago, he was in the process of claiming a lady and his plan was foiled. Somehow, he ends up in modern day (a Saved By the Bell version) Los Angeles to claim a teenage descendent of his bride that escaped.
Note: everything after this went straight to video. It should have just stopped.
This takes place in Las Vegas. The Leprechaun, having been turned into a statue by a gold madallion, is sold to a pawn shop. The shop owner removes the medallion, is killed by the Leprechaun, and havoc ensues. The Leprechaun goes off looking for his gold, people die, there’s fire, and that’s pretty much it.
Leprechaun 4: IN SPACE (W.T.F?)
HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN? How did did he get there? I don’t even know. My head exploded. There are a ton of bad CGI space graphics that make the movie look like Starfox, the Leprechaun teaches us about safe sex by tearing out of some dudes crotch, and then he also turns really gigantic.
SRSLY U GUISE, WTF? SRSLY. The Leprechaun smokes a j with Ice T, controls the minds of dancing ladies, he has a WEAVE, and he RAPS. The Leprechaun RAPS.
I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t do this anymore.
What are there six of these movies? Why? Granted, they all went straight to video after the second one but I mean really now. This just needed to stop.
Are you doing anything to celebrate today’s holiday? You know, like not watching these soul leeching movies? Anyway, hope your having a happy St. Patrick’s Day!