O.K. Cupid Is Not So O.K.

Online dating is a strange beast. It has long been believed that the realm of online dating is only a bookmark away from your World of Warcraft tab or something sad and nerd-tacular. However, times they are a changing. No longer must one be a level five arcane fire mage or something to cast a love spell on someone, for all you need to do is roll the 20 sided die of life and conjure up some bravery points to enter the dreaded forest that is online dating.

Lots of people on the go are doing it and as more people begin to shun actual human contact, online dating grows ever more popular.

I’ll make you fall in love with my avatar.

One of the positive things about online dating is that it puts you in contact with a larger pool of people, thereby casting your net into the sea of proverbial fish even further. The flip side of that is that more than half of them fish in the sea are CRAZY. There’s also the whole, “Hey I just saw your profile so let’s trade n00dz” thing going on. Whatever. I’ve been known to show a little nipple here and there. Oh and yes, those really are “artsy” black and white shots of me. REALLY.

It was only a few weeks ago that a good friend and I were out having dinner and like any set of good friends, we opted not to talk and bury our faces in our iPhones. I was tweeting or checking in with FourSquare and she was pressing all these buttons like a mad person. Curious as to what she was doing, I broke the technological silence between us and inquired as to what app she was using.

She then informed me that it was the app for O.K. Cupid. “OKC,” as it is known by those that cannot say the full names of things because they are too busy to bothered by syllables, is an online dating service. The long and short of it is that it is this social networking site where you fill out a profile, answer all these questions, and then you are matched with others that answer said questions all similar like.

Simple enough, right? Got it? Good. I am not here to talk about the nifty algorithm or the bevy of young colts that have come a callin’, I am here to show you some of the questions that are absolutely RIDICULOUS. Hold onto your binary bootstraps and let us take a look at why OK Cupid is not so o.k.

Lots of questions on OKC aren’t that bad. Truth be told, I was rather happy to answer this one. I’m not the best spellermatician person out there but I know my way around some spell check. Also, please note that I am on question number 1,174. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the lowest or highest number which I am at. I have braved the horrible world of online dating for you, dear reader. YOU OWE ME.


Really OKC? Is that your idea of deepest, darkest secret? Those are all things I can live with, but that’s just me. A deep secret in my book is something along the lines of ripping the DO NOT REMOVE tag off a mattress or stealing candy from the grocery store. You get the idea.

The next type of questions are all going to be about sexy times. THERE ARE SO MANY OF THESE ON OKC. I mean get why these are here but no. Just no.

No. No I don’t. This question makes me has a sads. JSYK, thse are the “benign” sexy times questions.

Then we get into the group of questions that make you re-read your tiny iPhone screen multiple times in disbelief because they are either:

This is some crazy stuff right here. The thing is, you totally know that there are people out there that do this kind of thing. Careful when writing to people that didn’t skip this question. You totally know they are going to be sitting outside your house in the bushes watching you sleep with their night vision goggles. Thanks, internet, for ruining everything.

OMG! OKC is all up in my biaz!O NO U DIDN’T!

Do not proceed to the following 2 (and final questions if you are sensitive to the general direction in which this blog is heading (aka DOWNHILL) –

Here’s a picture of Wonder Woman being all bad ass –

I hope I don’t offend anyone with this one. I just, I don’t even know. This is one of those things that if you asked me this when I was just getting to know you, I’d slap you WITH WORDS.


JSYK, I tweeted this. One of my friends asked me, “Is there ever a wrong circumstance?” To this I said, “Yes, and it’s called WHEN I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH WINE.”

Don’t feel so bad, for I bring you facepalm –

There are a few other winner questions on OKC that involve bodily fluids and what not but I’m pretty sure the question above is about as far as I need to go in order for you to know what I’m talking about.

That, my friends, is OKC in a nutshell. I can never get back all the 5 hours that I spent answering these questions as horribly as I could. That being said, I have a date tonight.


Have you ever tried online dating? Would you? Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Concerns?