Entertainment Headlines I Demand from 2011

Ah, 2011, you are starting out with such possibilities for Entertainment news. Considering 2010 gave us breaking casting news, sudden and saddening break-ups and Lohan, Lohan, Lohan, I can’t wait to see what 2011 brings. But I’ve got a few suggestions of stuff I’d like to see. Here’s just a few…some more likely than others.

Patrick Stump Releases Album, Will Guest Star on “Glee”

The first part of this will happen, inevitably. Patrick’s been working on his project for awhile now and eventually we will get to hear the results. The latter half, however, is purely my own desire and something that would get me to watch Glee after Darren Criss leaves the cast. Because right now, he and Jane Lynch are the ONLY things keeping me glued to Hulu.

Gina Carano Cast as Wonder Woman, Gail Simone to Write, Joss Whedon to Direct

So, this is my dream scenario for the rumored Wonder Woman movie. Women’s MMA star (and American Gladiator) Gina Carano cast as the Amazon Princess (for those people saying “but can she act?” keep in mind, the current favorite rumored casting for the role is Megan Fox, and I’m willing to bet Carano can act at least as well as she can), former WW scribe Gail Simone handling the story and Joss Whedon taking charge behind the camera. Will it ever happen? HELL no, but I’ve got to keep dreaming.

Tabloids: “We No Longer Care About Jennifer Aniston’s Love Life”

Seriously, guys. Can we just, as a culture, MOVE ON ALREADY? Feel free to also substitute Jessica Simpson in there.

Dina and Michael Lohan Mysteriously Vanish in Flash of White Light, World Declared “A Better Place”

Both of them just need to GO AWAY.

John Mayer Takes Year-Long Vow of Celibacy

It seems that in 2010 you could not go one month without hearing where John Mayer had stuck his dick. It got the point that I wanted peanut butter labels to read “Guaranteed Mayer-dick free!” I don’t care where his dick has been. It has, thankfully, not been in me, that is all I need to know. So in 2011, if John Mayer could refrain from sticking his dick in things, it would make me very, very happy.

Fall Out Boy Reunion in 2012 “Very Likely,” Sources Say

Believers never die, motherfuckers.