CSI Asks You To Do the Impossible: Ignore Dita Von Teese’s Cleavage

I’m sure you know who Dita Von Teese is. In case you don’t, she’s a major burlesque star and pin-up model. And no, I don’t mean “burlesque” like that movie with Cher and Christina that got the whole thing WRONG, I mean, like, REAL burlesque.

She’s also absolutely gorgeous and has a figure to literally DIE for.

…which…I guess is why CSI wants it covered up?

The full story: apparently, Dita is guest starring in an episode A Kiss Before Frying where she plays a school teacher who becomes a dancer at a night club. Sounds awesome and also sounds like it’ll let Dita play to her talents. This is already a great set-up.

EXCEPT: apparently the heads of the show ordered Von Teese’s cleavage to be covered.

So, okay, am I the only one confused here?

Apparently not, because Dita had something to say about it: “There was a lot of network talk about my ‘offensive cleavage’, which I found interesting considering how much blood and gore there is. We had to take it down a notch.”

She really does have a point. The show has not shyed away from showing extremely graphic and gross depictions of murders and dead bodies, and has done several plots revolving around the murder of children, both of which I find much more offensive than a pair of boobies.

On top of that: you’re doing an episode about a “nightclub” dancer, which I’m reading as “exotic” dancer WHICH TENDS TO MEAN CLEAVAGE WILL BE BARED.

ALSO: didn’t CSI used to have a recurring character named “Lady Heather” who was a mistress at a brothel? Didn’t they do episodes with her involving S&M? And didn’t they bare some of her cleavage during that period of time?

Don’t worry, Grissom, I cross-referenced our database for evidence. And look, it checks out:

So, yeah. That’s all very confusing and none of it adds up and so it looks like this is one of those episodes where they don’t solve the murder in time. So the case of Sex Versus Violence will never really be tried. Such a shame.

But, to make up for it, I present you with more of Dita’s cleavage. Because CSI may not be fans, but I tend to enjoy it. A lot.