It’s National Coming Out Day – Things That Made Me This Way

Growing up is difficult. It’s even made more so when people start picking on you because instead of playing football, you are combing your BFF’s hair on the playground and you can French Braid by the age of 7. STOP JUDGING ME 🙁

As a small child, much of my time on the playground was spent under a shade tree protecting the women folk from roving bands of boys that invade our side of MAGIC MAKE BELIEVE PRINCESS SPARKLE TOWN to pull hair and step on our flower wreaths.

My main inspiration for being the protector was this towering paragon of man:

Mostly I was drawn to He Man at a very young age. Why? I didn’t know. He just made me feel funny inside, especially when he did this:

I DID A GOOD THING AND THEN HE MAN WINKED AT ME. Then I found out that He Man had a sister named She Ra, Princess of Power, and that’s when things really hit Le Fan:

AND THEN, She Ra had this:

A F*N UNICORN WTF!?

Not only was She Ra AMAZING, she had a unicorn that could whisk her away to save the day. Basically, I wanted to ride this unicorn to a land far away where I wasn’t the weird and sad child that was ostracized from most school yard activites because I wanted to collect lady bugs and make flower necklaces for my BFF’s rather than hit a ball with stick.

It turns out that the only magical place I was allowed to escape to was the cab of my family’s Toyota Tacoma, where shot speakers that pierced my ear drums saved me. I can’t even remember how old I was the first time I heard some woeful voice tell me about how “Everyday Is Like Sunday.”

Photo By: ME!

Mostly, many of Morrissey’s song’s teeter on the ambiguous all while slapping you with a giant purse that has been bedazzled with vague homo eroticism. He reconfirmed my feelings of a deep want of man on man action and that made me feel a deep guilt and many a MANGRY night was had.

That lead me to my next musical man hunk,

Photo By: Mark-A-SonicYouth

Trent Reznor, the hampster that runs the Nine Inch Nails wheel, made me realize that I was NOTHING. So I decided to hate myself a whole bunch all while wearing fishnet stockings, much to the chagrin of my Father.

While both musicians are my heart and soul (OMG JOY DIVISION REFERENCE), I don’t hate myself as much because the following photo has made it all better:

I have come full circle to loving all things unicorn because um THIS UNICORN IS DUDE IS HOT. Basically, I have accepted myself and the fact that the following GIF exists –

It’s taken a lot of therapy and chicken soup for the soul for me to be ok with being who I am. I know its hard at first to try to be yourself when everyone is telling you that there is something wrong with you because you feel the way you do but hopefully you can find people that accept you for who you are, no questions asked.

It’s ok to be yourself and love twirly buff men that get slapped lightly in the face with feathers because it’s your life and don’t let anyone tell you how to live it. Do your best and don’t worry.

Happy Coming Out Day!