LIVE FROM BUZZNET: THE 2010 HALLOWEENIE AWARDS CEREMONY
Welcome, guys and ghouls, to the 2010 Halloweenie Awards Ceremony! We are here today to honor the best of the best of the spooky, kooky and all together ooky as chosen by Buzznet users!
Our first award tonight is for Best Supernatural-Themed Book. And the winner is…the Harry Potter series!
Here to accept the award are the winners of Best Witch, Luna Lovegood, Best Werewolf, Remus Lupin and Best Ghost, Nearly Headless Nick.
Nearly Headless Nick: Thank you! Thank you, one and all!
Lupin: This is an honor. Thank you very much for your support, and your votes.
Luna: I’d like to thank all of you. This is an honor, even if I am aware that this Buzznet place is a front for a Ministry-run propaganda experiment. You can read all about it in this week’s Quibbler.
*there is an uncomfortable silence followed by polite applause. Luna waves as she exits the stage*
Well, Scrimgeour is gonna have our asses for that.
I MEAN…thank you, Luna, Remus and Nick! And now, to present the award for Best Vampire Slayer, the stars of Supernatural, Sam and Dean Wincester!
Sam: Thank you! Thank you!
Dean: It takes a lot to fight off the forces of evil, which we know just as well as the nominees in this category.
Sam: But the winner is…Buffy Summers, of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer!
*Buffy approaches the stage and accepts her award, waving. Sam is obviously impressed*
Dean: Sam, stop it. What have we learned after 5 seasons?
Sam: *sigh* If a woman is strong, she’s probably evil.
Buffy: Wow, you two are WINNERS.
Sam: We fought a racist truck, once.
Buffy: Well, there goes my acceptance speech.
*applause as the stage is cleared*
Well, let’s break up this bit of awkward with a special performance of the winner for Best Halloween Song. Here is a mysteriously reunited Panic! at the Disco with “It’s Almost Halloween!”
Thank you! And now, to present Best Spooky TV Show, from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Buffy Summers, Angel and Spike!
*Angel comes out on stage in a pair of tight-whities and glasses. Spike and Buffy are dressed as usual. Spike points at Angel and begins laughing*
Buffy: Okay, Angel, what exactly is going on with your…um…
Angel: I…thought we were doing this as characters from Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Buffy: No. You suggested that, we both said “Maybe” and never talked about it again.
Buffy: Besides, I can’t think about Rocky Horror without associating it with Giles.
*Spike suddenly stops laughing*
Spike: Well, that was sobering.
Buffy: Anyway, the winner for Best Spooky TV show is…Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Angel: Unfortunately, none of the cast could be here tonight, so we accept this award on their behalf.
While they go try to find some pants for Angel, I’ll just announce a few. The Halloweenie for Best Halloween Episode of a TV Show goes to…The Simpsons, for the Treehouse of Horror episodes!
The Simpsons were supposed to be here but got caught up in a wacky adventure involving a celebrity guest voice, so they won’t be able to make it.
Also, the always coveted award for Best Vampire goes to…SPIKE from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.
*Spike returns to the stage, accepts his award, and stands triumphant*
Spike: That’s right, Spike’s back on top! You hear me, Northman, you puffter?
*Eric Northam, seated in the audience, growls*
Spike: Oh, so you wanna go, huh? Huh? Well, why don’t you come on up here and-
Look, boys, as awesome as this fight could be…and how interested I am in seeing one or both of your shirts come off, we have to move on. Take it out back.
And now, here to present the award for Best Halloween Movie, the world’s biggest Metal band, DETHKLOK!
Nathan Explosion: Tonight…um…tonight we are here to honor the…the very…dammit, I can’t read the teleprompter. Can anyone read it?
Pickles: Dude, I’m so drunk and high right now, I don’t even know what awards show this is.
Toki: Oh, let Toki do it! I loves awards shows like this!
*the rest of the band backs away*
Skwisgaar Squigelf: Toki, whens yous says you loves something it usually turns up deads.
William Murderface: I can read the teleprompter!
Nathan Explosion: No, Murderface, you’re not allowed to f*#!ing talk up here. Anyway, the winner is The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Skwisgaar Squigelf: That movie is dildos.
Nathan Explosion: Yeah, not metal at all.
Toki: I don’t cares what you guys says, I loves that movie, and I loves Tims Burton.
*a long pause*
Nathan Explosion: We’d like to publicly apologize to Tim Burton. We are sorry, um, that Toki loves you. And now you’re dead. Sorry.
Murderface: TELL YOU HOT WIFE I CAN- *mic suddenly goes dead*
OKAY, WELL. That’s…just great. And now, our final award, Most Unintentionally Scary Thing. This was a highly contested category this year, but the winner is…
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR NOMINATING, VOTING AND PARTICIPATING! WE’LL SEE YOU AGAIN NEXT YEAR!
*looks back at the still bickering Dethklok, who have started throwing punches*