The Craft Vs. Teen Witch – ‘Witch’ Movie Did It Better?

Ah the glory that is High School. Acne, raging hormones, and the constant desire to fit in all the places that you don’t belong. Mix that in with a little help from your local misfit coven or fortune telling b list actress, and you’ve got yourself an excellent premise for an excellent movie.

Gather round your crystal ball and get ready to cast your best spells as we ponder the great question: ‘Witch’ Movie Did It Better – The Craft or Teen Witch? (omg do you get it? How clever am I!?)

Which theme song is better?

The Craft basically ruined my love of How Soon Is Now? by The Smiths. I’m sorry Love Spit Love, but you aren’t the only remake failures that have tried to update the sound of The Smiths. Sadly, this song got the go around again as the the theme song for Charmed. 🙁

Please enjoy the following feast for your eyes with all the best scenes from The Craft set to one of the worst remakes ever –

Teen Witch – Top That

I don’t even know if this is the theme song to Teen Witch but basically it’s like, the song I used to sing in my head when I would ride by bicycle alone in alleys behind the houses of people that I used to REALLY LIKE (I didn’t know it was stalking until I got a court order at the tender age of 12). JSYK, Teen Witch is chalk full of dance numbers and songs because well, it was the 80’s.

Which Spiritual Influence Was More Awesome?

The Craft has Monon, which according to the script, is the following –

“If God and the Devil were playing football, Manon would be the stadium that they played on.”

Basically, this was the spirt thing that the social pariaha’s in The Craft offered dead birds and stuff to so that they could have their way with the world. Turns out that things go horribly awry and Nancy, the leader of the pack goes from awesome high schooler that I would eat lunch with and go to Hot Topic with to crazy locked up person in a mental ward that thinks she can fly –

Teen Witch has Zelda Rubinstein (aka Madame Serena) at the helm of the spirt ship of shenanigans. She gives the Louise Miller this magical amulet that gives her powers on her sixteenth birthday. Oh and she has to RUB IT to make it work. Talk about a Super Sweet 16! Also, Zelda Rubinstein may look familiar if you’ve ever seen Poltergeist.

Which Wardrobe Was Better?

This one is kind of difficult. On the one hand, we have the ladies of The Craft looking like a Hot Topic version of Mean Girls being total bad asses as they wear more black clothing than a funeral procession. There’s plenty of latex, thigh high stockings, boots, and mega mascara here as well.

Teen Witch, having been shot in 1989 or something, is all nostalga-icky or something. There’s lots of teased hair, asymmetrical jewlery, and more shoulder pads than a New York City Ladies Power Lunch meeting c.1986.

Obviously, there are more things in these in these movies that we can compare but I don’t want to get more “spoiler-y” than I already am. I mostly just want you to check these two lolfest movies and judge for yourself because yes, it’s all about judging things.

Enjoy!