Grand Canyon – Land Of Many Shenanigans
This past weekend, I ventured to the Grand Canyon in Arizona. If you don’t know what the Grand Canyon, it’s this giant hole in the desert that was carved by a river and stuff that started when the Philosoraptor first posited the great question of the ages –
Mostly I forgot that Arizona is full of racists that support SB 1070 (yay broad generalizations!). When I told some of my mighty Azatlan Warrior friends that I was going there, I was told I was a traitor. This made mai hart has a sads but then I didn’t care because w/e, I had never been there. I wasn’t going to let a little thing like my possibly being deported for not having the correct papers stop me from seeing the majesty that is America minus strip malls and everything I hate.
I rented a car, borrowed some camping stuff from my mum, and took my BFF Sparkle Princess Beffie, El Espanquito, with me:
This was somewhere just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada. Basically, Las Vegas is where hope goes to die, gets a face lift, calls itself the Bellagio, and then opens a buffet so that all of middle America can line up at the trough and enjoy some tasty deep fried something other. Yay $3.99 USD plates of prime rib! Rock!
Even though I say these things, please remember that I am old and curmudgeon-y. Las Vegas is not a total dump, however, because there is The Red Velvet Cafe. This place serves some pretty tasty vegan nomz so I obvs had to do a little pit stop, strap on mai feed bag, and part take in some feastial devastation:
Behold the mighty avacado quesadilla –
Grease fries slathered in daiya cheese with pretends bacons –
Tuna Melty thing with chips loaded with MSG –
That tuna melt thing was DELISH. Not too tuna-y and too melty, either. Pretty good nomz! Just because it’s vegan doesn’t mean that it’s healthy. Yay clogged arteries!
Anypoop, me and my travel companion decided that we needed to hit the road and then SHIT GOT REAL –
By “real” I mean that it got REAL HOT. Yup. 106 degrees (41 C). This was somewhere in Utah. Yes. I forgot I was driving through the state that funded most of the Prop 8 BS. I drove as fast as I could all while blasting the soundtrack to Pricilla Queen of the Desert just for S’s and G’s. Driving through Utah made me itchy.
This was someplace near the Grand Canyon. Mostly I cannot describe the desert that surrounds this place. IT LOOKS FAKE. It all looks like some back drop from some Spaghetti Western that has seen better days. Still awesome nonetheless.
I finally got to the Grand Canyon and pretty much my tent site was right on the edge of the canyon –
You’ll have to excuse the shitty pics I took because guess what? I brought my camera with me but I forgot the battery charger and the battery was dead. AWESOME.
Here’s another canyon view but from the following day –
The next day I decided to go on a hike. The total round trip was 10 or so miles. Not bad, or so you’d think. The thing is, the damn canyon is like, I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE IT SO HERES A PICTURE –
I also had about 15 pounds of supplies on my back like snacks and a HUGE jug of water and stuff. You see how I am scaling up there on that cliff? Pretty much the entire way back is like that. ALL UP HILL. O AND ITS LIKE 9 THOUSAND DEGREES and you have to dodge all these mule turd bombs and pee puddles that they leave behind. AND THEN THERES DUST. I went to the rest stop because it is not advised to go to the river at the bottom in one day. Trust me, you don’t want to hike all of that because its like climing out of the MINES OF MORIA JSYK. ANYPOOP, its so beautiful in the canyon and there are lizards on rocks, baking in the sun, and other kinds of canyon critters. The rock formations are INSANE. That place is so huge, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. If you look up, you get dizzy because that’s how big it is. ITS LIKE BETTER THAN PLASMA TV MOSTLY.
Here’s a picture of me on a bridge –
By the time I got back to camp, I was DED. That meant that it was time to do a nom –
Mostly making things on a fire with wood and stuff made me feel like a MAN. That was all cancelled out because I made a vegan feast of rice, assperagus, and corns. WHAT A HIPPIE. Also, I didn’t shower until I came back home on Sunday. So that was awesome. I think that was extra hippie points y/y?
At night time, you could see all kinds of stars and hear bats doing a hunt for their nomz. I also drank beer and sat around this –
Anyway, that was my mini vacay to the Land of Many Shenanigans. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? If not, you should go visit. TWAS AWESOME. I SHALL RETURN!