Mark Theorizes About The Future of Harry Potter
HEY YOU DUMBFACE WEINERBUTTS: STOP POSTING FUCKING SPOILERS
What the shit, guys? If the character has not been introduced, WHY THE FUCK YOU WOULD POST A THREAD NAMING THEM AND THEN TALKING ABOUT THEM AND THEN CONTINUE TALKING ABOUT THEM AND THINGS THEY DO IN A BOOK I HAVE NOT READ YET?
(For the record, I remember a shitstorm regarding Blaise on LJ and I know he’s black and racist fans hated it AND THAT IS IT. But what if I hadn’t known that much? YOU JUST SPOILED THAT, YOU SLYTHERIN FOOL.)
Please, please, please, stop talking about things that HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET even if you are speaking in code because I AM NOT A ROBOT WHO CANNOT READ. I CAN FIGURE OUT BASIC CODES.
Jesus christ. THANK YOU.
EDIT: DUH I FORGOT THIS.
The amazing FromThisGirl set up a Buzznet blog where you can SPOIL TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT.
thank you drive through
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I’ve read the HORRIFYING comments about how those of you who read this series in real time (meaning, as they were released) had to wait THREE UNBEARABLE YEARS for Order of the Phoenix to come out. Which…my god that is unbelievable. I can’t even conceive waiting that long for something. oh wait i had to wait 18 years and 10 months for a boy to kiss me good morning sunshine!
However, something many of you brought up was how during that interim period, a large portion of the fandom spent time theorizing on where the story was headed and what happened to future characters. This also birthed an unending amount of fanfiction, as I’m told.
I haven’t done much predicting or theorizing at all in the series, beyond that embarrassing bit in my very first review, so I thought I’d spend some time thinking about the events of Goblet of Fire and how they might pan out in the fifth book of the series.
So a small bit of ground rules for this: I know it’s going to be tempting to say stuff like I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL THIS IS ANSWERED or OH GOD IT IS HILARIOUS THAT YOU SAY THIS or TEEHEE YOU THINK DRACO IS BAD LULZ. It’s the same stuff that hints at an answer and removes the surprise. So…uh…don’t do it? Please?
LOVE YOU GUYS. Now it’s listy time!
*My ~Deep Thoughts~ About Harry Potter’s Future*
- Jesus fucking christ, it was just a small mention early in Goblet of Fire, but I STILL REMEMBER IT. I want to know what the Department of Mysteries is. Immediately. JK JK JK JK I WILL WAIT. But yeah. I do not think that was a disposable line at all, but I have no clue how it will be used or brought up again. BUT I WANT TO KNOW MORE.
- I predict we will see Karkaroff again and he will be a Death Eater. That’s all I’ve got.
- I predict that Fudge will eventually come around to believing Dumbledore, regarding the return of Voldemort, but not until the end of the novel.
- I have no idea what the Order of the Phoenix is but Fawkes will play a large part near the end. (JESUS I AM GRASPING AT STRAWS HERE STOP JUDGING ME.)
- SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE. lol lol jaykay
- Snape and Harry will have a conversation in book 5 about Snape’s past as a Death Eater.
- Hermione will hold hands with Ron but only at the end. (For the next book, not the whole series. also idk what i’m talking about at all.)
- Ummmm….Voldemort will win some battle at the end of book 5 and Muggles will be killed? And then maybe World War III will start? Or maybe Dumbledore tries to bum Snape and that ignites a war. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
- Aren’t O.W.L.S taken in the fifth year? um Ron, Hermione, and Harry will do well and obviously Hermione will get ALL THE O.W.L.S.
- I say R.J. Lupin comes back in book five. Mostly because I miss him. 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
- Sirius Black will play a larger part in the narrative than in book 4.
- The Death Eaters will get a new follower by the end of book 5.
- Professor Trelawney will predict Harry’s death again and be wrong. THIS IS INEVITABLE Y/Y/Y/Y/Y
- Harry, Ron, and Hermione will find another secret room in Hogwarts.
- Harry will win all his Quidditch matches.
- Someone will get hurt.
- Someone will speak.
- Someone will sleep.
- words.
- i have no idea what i’m doing at all THIS IS LIKE ME TRYING TO BE STRAIGHT i just can’t do it guys lol
Let’s see how right I am. (I won’t be right at all oh god I AM SO BAD AT THIS.)
I also want to take the time to give a much-deserved shout out to another community of people from LiveJournal who have welcomed me with opened arms, posted many comments and macros, and made me feel like a ~speshul snowflake~.
The people in hp_commonroom are busy reliving the series chapter-by-chapter, having OBVIOUSLY read the series a million times; they’re currently on Chamber of Secrets and start Prisoner of Azkaban next month.
If you’d like to have SRS BSNS talks that are FULL OF SPOILERS and also enjoy many ALL CAPS SPARKLETEXT ALL BOLD posts, you should really join them. They are goddamn fantastic.
oh god so LET’S DISCUSS MY INSANITY AT GREAT LENGTH
