Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’: Chapter 10

In the tenth chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry’s loneliness over missing out on Ron and Hermione’s prefect duties is wonderfully upstaged by the introduction of a marvelous character, Luna Lovegood. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.

CHAPTER 10: LUNA LOVEGOOD

Oh, Luna Lovegood.

I expect new characters with each new book and I appreciate that Rowling never seems to force them into the narrative. (Take note, most TV shows ever.) And I’m not setting this up for me to say, “SO THIS IS WHY I DON’T LIKE…” or anything of the sort. I’ve just never really spoke about it at all.

But let’s back up. It’s the first day of classes and, as if they’re scheduled to be so, the entire group is nearly late getting to Platform 9 ¾. Sirius, in the form of a dog, defies Dumbledore’s orders to stay at his home and accompanies Harry and them all the way to the Hogwarts Express. I liked that so many of you picked up on the fact that it’s entirely reasonable (and realistic) that Sirius would act precisely as he’s acting after watching his friends die and then get blamed for their death and then spend all that time in Azkaban, only to escape and have to live in secrecy in the precise place he ran away from all those years ago.

I’m not saying his actions are commendable or even necessarily excusable. But there’s a reason for them and I think it’s important to know that to appreciate his character.

Once on the train, though, the slight whining/immaturity switches back to Harry, who finds out that Ron and Hermione can’t sit with him on the ride to Hogwarts. It’s not surprising that he takes it personally and I certainly don’t really blame him for it. Despite that he’s kind of being a pompish dick to Hermione and Ron, he has suffered so much in the past year and it does make him feel better to have friends around.

He ends up following Ginny to the last carriage, where Neville Longbottom is avoiding the only “empty” compartment.

That’s when we meet (the glorious) Luna Lovegood.

• The girl beside the window looked up. She had straggly, waist-length, dirty-blond hair, very pale eyebrows, and protuberant eyes that gave her a permanently surprised look. Harry knew at once why Neville had chosen to pass this compartment by. The girl gave off an aura of distinct dottiness. Perhaps it was the fact that she had stuck her wand behind her left ear for safekeeping, or that she had chosen to wear a necklace of butterbeer caps, or that she was reading a magazine upside down.

No matter how hard you try to convince me otherwise, I am going to want to be this girl’s best friend until the end of time.

I love the fact that Rowling doesn’t try to denigrate this girl right off the bat, to portray her as weird in any sort of negative light. She’s direct, she’s funny, and she doesn’t seem to have the ability to lie. Or keep things to herself, either.She doesn’t yell at Neville when his Mimbulus mimbletonia explodes some sort of pus all over everyone and she’s the first to call out Ron for the shitty way he treated Padma Patil at the Yule Ball. And then immediately following that up by stating that she wouldn’t have minded not dancing with Ron. And then going right back to reading The Quibbler upside down. And then laughing at one of Ron’s jokes so hard that she starts crying and she drops her magazine on the floor.

Bless her heart.

Small Detail Appreciation Time: I love that there are gossip mags in the wizarding world (The Quibbler) and the “BUT DOES HE?” line kills me.

Actually, The Quibbler also provides a moment for Luna to call Hermione out as well:

• ”Anything good in there?” asked Ron as Harry closed the magazine.

  “Of course not,” said Hermione scathingly before Harry could answer, “The Quibbler’s rubbish, everyone knows that.”

  “Excuse me,” said Luna; her voice had suddenly lost its dreamy quality. “My father’s the editor.”

  “I—oh,” said Hermione, looking embarrassed. “Well…it’s got some interesting…I mean, it’s quite…”

  “I’ll have it back, thank you,” said Luna coldly, and leaning forward she snatched it out of Harry’s hands. Rifling through it to page fifty-seven, she turned it resolutely upside down again and disappeared behind it, just as the compartment door opened for the third time.

This girl is FIERCE. Please be friends with me. Mark why are you begging fictional characters to be your friend, they are not real, get a grip.

Ok. On to Malfoy. Guess who’s a total asshole? If you said Malfoy, you win all the things. He, of course, has been made Prefect of Slytherin and is already threatening to punish Harry, Ron, and Hermione as much as he wants. And that’s when he lets slip a really weird line:

• ”I seemed to have touched a nerve,” said Malfoy, smirking. “Well, just watch yourself, Potter, because I’ll be dogging your footsteps in case you step out of line.”

Harry picks up on this immediately.

• He had thought Sirius coming with him to the station was a bit of a laugh, but suddenly it seemed reckless, if not downright dangerous….Hermione had been right….Sirius should not have come. What if Mr. Malfoy had noticed the black dog and told Draco, what if he had deduced that the Weasleys, Lupin, Tonks, and Moody knew where Sirius was hiding? Or had Malfoy’s use of the word “dogging” been a coincidence?

I don’t like this. I DON’T LIKE IT AT ALL, GUYS.

There’s more change in Harry’s life as he arrives at Hogwarts. Hagrid doesn’t great the first-years like he had done the previous four years; instead, Professor Grubbly-Prank, who had replaced Hagrid in year three, takes the first years across the lake and into Hogwarts.

And unlike years past, horseless carriages are not used to transport the first year students:

• There were creatures standing between the carriage shafts; if he had had to give them a name, he supposed he would have called them horses, though there was something reptilian about them, too. They were completely fleshless, their black coats clinging to their skeletons, and their pupil-less eyes white and staring. Wings sprouted from each wither—vast, black leathery wings that looked as though they ought to belong to giant bats. Standing still and quiet in the gloom, the creatures looked eerie and sinister. Harry could not understand why the coaches were being pulled by these horrible horses when they were capable of moving along by themselves.

I’m sorry. WHAT THE FUCK. I guess Hogwarts wanted to be TOTES GOTH this year.

• ”What are those things, d’you reckon?” he asked Ron, nodding at the horrible horses as the other students surged past them.

  “What things?”

WHAT.

• But as Ron continued to look bemused, a strange thought occurred to Harry.

  “Can’t…can’t you see them?”

  “See what?”

  “Can’t you see what’s pulling the carriages?”

  Ron looked seriously alarmed now.

  “Are you feeling all right, Harry?”

  “I…yeah…”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

• ”It’s all right,” said a dreamy voice from beside Harry as Ron vanished into the coach’s dark interior. “You’re not going mad or anything. I can see them too.”

  “Can you?” said Harry desperately, turning to Luna. He could see the bat-winged horses reflected in her wide, silvery eyes.

  “Oh yes,” said Luna, “I’ve been able to see them ever since my first day here. They’ve always pulled the carriages. Don’t worry. You’re just as sane as I am.”

K;ASDALDFKL ;A ;KLJFDSKL;SDFAKL;ASDF KL;JASDFJ ;AFSDSADKF;JASFD;LADFJS

WHAT