Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’: Chapter 15

In the fifteenth chapter of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Mad-Eye Moody starts to get weird, Draco Malfoy is schooled again, Hermione continues to be better than everyone, and then….THEN…the students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang arrive and HOLY SHIT. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.

CHAPTER 15: BEAUXBATONS AND DURMSTRANG

DETAIL LOG

HEDWIG

SUBJECT: HARRY POTTER

PERIOD: SEPTEMBER 5, 1994 – OCTOBER 30, 1994

SEPTEMBER 5, 1994

0645: SUBJECT AWAKES TO WRITE ONE SIRIUS BLACK A LETTER. FEW THINGS AMUSE ME MORE THAN A 14 YEAR-OLD CHILD TRYING TO LIE TO SIRIUS BLACK. CRAVING MOUSE.

0652: QUICKLY FLY BACK TO OWLERY SO THAT SUBJECT DOES NOT KNOW I AM WATCHING HIM. WATCH OTHER OWLS STARE AT ME WITH JEALOUSY.

0653: WATCHED SUBJECT SLIP ON OWL POOP. ENDLESSLY AMUSING.

0654: SUBJECT TRIES TO WAKE ME UP WHILE I PRETEND TO BE ASLEEP. THIS IS WHAT SUBJECT DESERVES AFTER SENDING ME TO FIND SIRIUS BLACK. IF OWLS COULD CHUCKLE, I WOULD CHUCKLE.

0655: SUBJECT HAS THE AUDACITY TO SUGGEST USING THAT DUMB WEASLEY OWL, PIGWIDGEON. I’D RATHER EAT MY OWN BEAK OFF. TOUCHE, POTTER. TOUCHE.

0656: I BIT SUBJECT AS A SIGN OF “AFFECTION.” AT LEAST THAT’S HOW THE DOLT WILL INTERPRET IT.

0656: LEFT SUBJECT AT HOGWARTS TO LOCATE SIRIUS BLACK. WHO IS PROBABLY TRAVELING. GREAT. A MOVING SUBJECT. REMIND ME TO SHIT IN POTTER’S BED SOMETIME.

OCTOBER 30, 1994

0815: RETURNED WITH LETTER FROM SIRIUS. ENJOYED THE WARM WEATHER. NOT EXCITED TO RETURN TO THE OWLERY AND LISTEN TO ALL THOSE AMATEUR OWLS HOOT ABOUT THEIR MEDIOCRE LIVES. MUST TRAVEL MORE.

0816: SUBJECT OFFERED ME BACON RINDS. I’LL TRAVEL AFTER I EAT THESE. OM NOM NOM.

0818: SUBJECT THINKS I DRANK HIS ORANGE JUICE. I DIDN’T. I’VE BEEN HOLDING SOME MICE POOP IN MY TALONS FOR HOURS. JOKE’S ON HIM.

1756: RECEIVED NEWS THAT THE ARRIVAL OF STUDENTS FROM BEAUXBATONS AND DURMSTRANG IS IMMINENT. HOPE THEY DON’T BRING THEIR POST OWLS. NOTHING WORSE THAN UNCIVIlIZED STRIGIFORMES.

1809: STUDENT JUST EXCLAIMED THAT THE BEAUXBATONS ARE ARRIVING AT HOGWARTS VIA DRAGON. MUST REMEMBER TO FIND HER OWL AND INSTRUCT HIM OR HER HOW TO USE POOP AS A SECRET WEAPON.

1810: BEAUXBATONS ARRIVED BY WINGED HORSES. MIGHT CONSIDER CHANGING MY SUBJECT. POTTER WOULD PROBABLY PREFER TO ARRIVE TO PLACES ON THE BACK OF HAGRID.

1811: BEAUXBATONS HEADMASTER STEPS OUT OF CARRIAGE. POSSIBLY MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN EVER. DEFINITELY FLYING TO FRANCE AND TELL SUBJECT THAT SIRIUS “MIGHT” BE THERE.

1825: DURMSTRANG STUDENTS ARRIVE ON A SHIP THAT CAME OUT OF THE LAKE. SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING DITCHING HOGWARTS ASAP.

1827: VICTOR KRUM IS HERE. ABANDONING HOGWARTS SOON. AFTER I GET SOME MORE BACON RINDS. MMMMMM BACON.