Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban’: Chapter 3

In the third chapter of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.

CHAPTER 3: THE KNIGHT BUS

You guys were not messing with me. Shit just got unbelievably real.

I love that Harry’s immediate reaction upon escaping the Dursley’s is not too far from what my own experience was when I ran away from home: panic.

If you recall, I wrote a review during my painful journey through Eclipse that briefly elaborated on growing up as a victim of abuse. I don’t feel like talking more about it right now, but it was very hard for me to read the first half of this chapter and not think about my own experience with running away.

I ran away from home to escape the abuse and homophobia. It was just as my junior year started, which is probably some of the worst timing imaginable. Tip: Most of my life can be summed up in the following sentence: Everything has bad timing.

I don’t want to elaborate quite as much about this, not only because we SIRIUSLY need to talk about SIRIUS BLACK, but because I’m not quite ready to go ALL OUT on the Internet about it. But I wanted to at least say that, from personal experience, Rowling manage to capture a very specific moment with an unnerving sense of accuracy.

Those first moments walking down my street, away from my house, were exhilarating. Rowling says,

  • He sat quite still, anger still surging through him, listening to the frantic thumping of his heart.

CAN I RELATE TO THIS? I most certainly can. Especially when you run away out of equal parts fear and rage, this is exactly what it is like.

oh god Harry Potter knows my pain

Of course, then the panic sets in. OH GOD HOW WILL I WASH MY CLOTHES WHERE WILL I EAT WHERE WILL I STAY HOW WILL I GET TO SCHOOL OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. And I was very impressed that this happened to Harry as well:

  • But after ten minutes alone in the dark street, a new emotion overtook him: panic. Whichever way he looked at it, he had never been in a worse fix.

And really, when I ran away, despite the immediate sensation of liberation, you are then instantly terrified of the million things you already did wrong and plan on doing wrong in the next 24 hours.

I don’t think my problems were as harsh as Harry’s though, since he used magic as an underage wizard and that’s enough to get him expelled from Hogwarts. On top of that, he had absolutely nowhere to go and nowhere to stay.

Until the Knight Bus showed up.

At this point in the series, I’ve just come to accept the weirdness of it all. There’s a bus that shows up when a wizard or witch has an emergency and becomes stranded? This makes absolute sense in every possible way.

I’m not interested in discussing the mechanics of the Knight Bus or the pretty awesome characters that inhabit it. (Not that I don’t want to; I like how colorful these small supporting characters end up being.) It’s just that….they’ve been overshadowed by one man.

Sirius Black.

You guys were completely right. Here’s the exact moment when this series stops being children’s literature and becomes SOME REAL FUCKING SHIT.

  • While Muggles have been told that Black is carrying a gun ( a kind of metal wand that Muggles use to kill each other), the magical community lives in fear of a massacre like that of twelve years ago, when Black murdered thirteen people with a single curse.

I’m sorry, WHAT DID I JUST READ?

  • “He murdered thirteen people?” said Harry, handing the page back to Stan, “with one curse?”

    “Yep,” said Stan, “in front of witnesses an’ all. Broad daylight. Big trouble it caused, dinnit, Ern?”

WHAT THE FUCK. This is some serious shit. Also: children’s book!

Harry learns that not only was Sirius Black a huge supporter of Lord Voldemort, but he actually believed that he would be second-in-command once Voldy took power.

Of course, that didn’t happen. Voldemort lost power. And when he did….holy shit.

  • “Anyway, they cornered Black in the middle of a street full fo Muggles an’ Black took out ‘is wand and ‘e blasted ‘alf the street apart, an’ a wizard got it, an’ so did a dozen Muggles what got in the way. ‘Orrible, eh? An’ you know what Black did then?” Stan continued in a dramatic whisper.

    “What?” said Harry.

    “Laughed,” said Stan. “Jus’ stood there an’ laughed. An’ when reinforcements from the Ministry of Magic got there, ‘e went wiv ’em quiet as anyfink, still laughing ‘is ‘ead off. ‘Cos ‘e’s mad, inee, Ern? Inee mad?”

no seriously what what what

This is absolutely not what I expected at all. And just when I’m not ready to process any more, Cornelius Fudge is there, waiting for Harry to get off the Knight Bus in Diagon Alley.

Which brings up an interesting point that Harry also wonders: Why on earth was Fudge waiting for Harry?

Even weirder: he already seems to have all the answers Harry is looking for, before he even has the chance to ask them:

  • “Ah, you’re worring about the reaction of your aunt and uncle?” said Fudge. “Well, I won’t deny that they are extremely angry, Harry, but they are prepared to take you back next summer as long as you stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter Holidays.”

Seriously???

  • “I always stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays,” he said, ‘and I don’t ever want to go back to Privet Drive.”

    “Now, now, I’m sure you’ll feel differently once you’ve calmed down,” said Fudge in a worried tone. “They are your family, after all, and I’m sure you are fond of each other–er–very deep down.”

Not only is this bullshit, and not only does Fudge know this, but….what??? What is he talking about? Is this code for something? What’s going on?

Then, adding the bizarre nature of this, Fudge completely dismisses the severity of what Harry did to his Aunt Marge, claiming it not only isn’t a big deal, but that the “circumstance” means they can bend the rules a bit.

  • “Circumstances change, Harry…We have to take into account…in the present climate…Surely you don’t want to be expelled?”

Which isn’t the point, and Harry knows this. And now I want to know: WHAT IS GOING ON?

Of course, Rowling’s not satisfied making my brain hurt with just this. Because, despite how lenient Fudge has been, there’s one thing he WILL enforce: Harry’s permission form for Hogsmeade, which is still unsigned:

  • “No, I’m sorry, Harry, but rules are rules,” said Fudge flatly. “Perhaps you’ll be able to visit Hogsmeade next year. In fact, I think it’s best if you don’t…yes…well, I’ll be off. Enjoy your stay, Harry.”

Oh, you tease.

Sigh TWO CHAPTERS A DAY IS NOT ENOUGH.

Now that Harry is staying at the Leaky Cauldron and there are no stupid Dursleys to deal with…well, I am very excited for whatever does happen next.