Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’: Chapter 6
In the sixth chapter of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, not much happens. This isn’t that bad, as we’re given some fascinating insights into how wizards get around without being spotted. However, it does inspire at least a million other questions. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to read Harry Potter.
CHAPTER 6: THE PORTKEY
Like I said, I’m ok with not much happening. I’m imagining that there are crucial keys and clues being dropped into the narrative here that I’ll pick up later. There is some subtle character building and the chapter serves as an introduction to Amos and Cedric Diggory. (Is it just me or are these first few chapters really short?)
I can’t really figure out a way to actually…talk about any of this? Like, I have no SUPER SAD, GUT-WRENCHING STORIES FROM MY YOUTH to apply to a chapter about a magical boot. And there’s not any sort of political or emotional subtext to anything. So instead, it’s question time.
Questions Mark Has About The Harry Potter WorldBut You Aren’t Actually Supposed To Answer These Because They’re All RhetoricalLamest Way To Take Up Space In A Review Ever
1) Where do they hold the Quidditch Cup?
I don’t understand this. I was actually confused at first, because this chapter states that wizards from all over the world come to see the World Cup in London. For a second, I thought Rowling meant the actual World Cup, but then Amos Diggory confirms it’s the Quidditch World Cup.
Do they cast spells around a stadium so no one can see the place? Because I imagine a Quidditch to be quite large.
2) Can you splinch yourself to death?
Mr. Weasley explains why they can’t just Apparate to the World Cup by giving an example: Two people Apparated and left half of themselves behind. So……HOW DO YOU NOT DIE FROM THAT? Also, if their’s was a special case, CAN you die from Apparating?
3) Why did they have to walk to the Portkey?
They’re wizards. Couldn’t Mr. Weasley have cast a spell that caused them to be invisible so they could float there or something?
4) Do Portkeys work like bus schedules?
So there were nearly 200 Portkeys spread around Britain. So….they leave on schedule? Or are they first-come, first-serve? If the Diggorys had gotten to the Portkey on Stoatshead Hill before the Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione, could they have left without them? GUYS, THESE ARE CRUCIAL DETAILS THAT ARE 100% IMPORTANT TO THE STORY.
5) Do you all just imagine Cedric Diggory as Edward Cullen?
I do. Sorry.
6) Why is Amos Diggory such an unintentional bumface?
HEY HARRY, MY SON BEAT YOU AT QUIDDITCH! NEVERMIND THAT DEMENTORS WERE BUSY SUCKING YOUR GODDAMN SOUL OUT OF YOUR FACE, MY BOY WON FAIR AND SQUARE! BRAG TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT THIS, CEDRIC!
7) When does shit get real?
Just kidding! Don’t answer that.