Tacky Twilight Thursdays, Eclipse Edition: Nordstrom
Well, the newest movie in the Twilight series releases at the end of the month, and you know what that means. Well, okay, it means a lot of things. But the important thing here is that it means new merchandise.
Last November, I brought you an overview of the exclusive New Moon merchandise. And to be honest, I was worried that the Eclipse merchandise wouldn’t be anything worth snarking over. Maybe, just maybe, it would be low key and even I couldn’t find anything bad to say about it.
Anyway, we kick off TTTEE with the exclusive line from Nordstrom. Last year, their line included some over priced tee shirts, some questionable jewelry and, of course, the Twilight make-up line. So what do they offer us for Eclipse?
Well. This is off to a great start.
Apparently the “Team” thing is overdone, according to Nordstrom. Instead, now it’s all about “Hearting” either Edward or Jacob.
Oh. And then there’s this:
Okay, so…obviously anyone familiar with Twilight is going to get this reference. But, just like with Hot Topic’s “Stupid Lamb” shirt, I have to kind of wonder what the hell people who haven’t read the series or familiarized themselves with the plot would think of this. Possibly, they would assume it is a band tee shirt. OH BUT WAIT! Just to clarify is the little cursive “Eclipse” right on the hip of the shirt!
Which only helps if the person viewing the shirt knows/cares what Eclipse is.
Anyway, the Edward/Jacob tee shirts are really actually kinda boring this time around. And no jewelry, thank goodness, after the embarassment that their New Moon line was. But let’s look at the other stuff:Oh, hey. That’s kinda cute. But what does it have to do with Eclipse? Also cute. But I’m still not seeing the Eclipse connection.
Oh, hey. I might ACTUALLY wear that. Am I missing whatever ties it in with Eclipse?
Totally unflattering neckline and I really hate the cut of this shirt all over. But yet again: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ECLIPSE?
Noticing a pattern? Wait, let’s look at the non-shirts:
Unless Edward or Jacob is directly referenced on it? This line HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ECLIPSE. It’s like at this point they’re embarassed to be associated with the movie. How did THAT conversation go?
“Look, we’ve gotta do a line for this Eclipse movie, and it’s possibly going to be another cash cow, but…we really, really don’t want nine thousand more ‘Team Creepy Stalker’ shirts in our store.”
“WHAT DID I TELL YOU LAST TIME? JUST SLAP ‘TWILIGHT’ ON IT SOMEWHERE AND PEOPLE WILL BUY IT. HELL, JUST PUT IT ON THE TAG! I JUST TOOK AN OLD PIZZA BOX, WROTE ‘BELLA AND EDWARD 4-EVA!’ ON IT AND SOLD IT FOR OVER $120 ON MY ETSY ACCOUNT.”
There is nothing wrong with branching out and making things other than tee shirts and sweatshirts as movie tie-ins. I actually applaud that, it takes some imagination. The problem is, I’m sitting here using my imagination trying to figure out how these items tie in, at all, with Eclipse.
And then there’s stuff that not only doesn’t tie in, but, well:
I’m going to level with you folks: this shirt looks like something they would put on a stereotypical lesbian character on a lame sitcom. How do you know she likes girls? SLEEVELESS PLAID SHIRT!
But wait. THERE’S NO LESBIANS IN TWILIGHT! GAY PEOPLE AREN’T ALLOWED TO BE VAMPIRES! QUICK, PUT SOME MAKE-UP ON HER! NO STEREOTYPICAL LESBIANS WEAR MAKE-UP!
And we’ve got JUST the thing:The “Team Edward” Pallet and… …the “Team Jacob” pallet.
Quick question: if Edward is the one who sparkles, how come Jacob’s pallet has the better looking color of glittery eyeshadow? Just askin’, is all.
I guess the biggest issue I take with this whole line is that I don’t understand WHY. Not, like, why would you do an Eclipse line, that makes sense. My question is more, why would you do a line for a movie that had nothing to do with the actual movie? It baffles me, but I guess that’s why I’m not in merchandising, huh?
BEST ITEM OF THE WEEK:
I’ve gotta admit, I think this plaid dress is cute.
And I’ll even give them the tangental tie-in nod, since Bella seems to get associated with plaid a lot.
WORST ITEM OF THE WEEK:
I was unprepared for this. I should have been ready. It was, I suppose, inevitable:Twilight leggings. Shown here worn as pants.
I hate you, Twilight. I hate you so much.
Join me next week when I take a delightful romp through the numerous OTHER books released based on Twilight. Want a Twilight Bible Study Guide? Because there’s at least four of ’em.