Twilight, New Moon etc.
LET ME JUST HAVE A RANT ABOUT BELLA SWAN, PLEASE. thnx.
1. why the hell does she have this annoying need to complain about absolutely everything that happens in her life? she’s got quite possibly the best boyfriend in the history of the universe (not to mention he’s minted), guys from every angle throwing themselves at her, can cook pretty well from what I can gather, and a relatively nice father who lets her do whatever she wants, but she’s an absolute bi-atch to, on all accounts.
right, 2. what is it that makes her completely incabable of accepting gifts? even on her own birthday? Wonder-boyfriend offers her the best cars money can buy, admission to the best colleges in america and protection from TWO psycopathic vampires that want her dead & won’t stop until she is so.
BELLA SWAN, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
3. probably the main thing that annoyed me most about her was the fact she rejected EDWARD CULLEN’S PROPOSAL TO ACTUAL MARRIAGE. TWICE.
4.when the silly bitch DOES finally agree to marry him, she’s stupid enough to ask him for the “one human experience she doesn’t want to miss.” i.e, the horny wench is gagging for sexy time. do you not listen, bella? your new hubby has already made it perfectly clear that he can rip you apart easier than a wet tissue. but no, she asks. and she gets what she wants. as usual. and gets a baby out of it. hurrah for all.
5. skipping back a couple of books, we all know that she gets a paper cut from badly opening a birthday present. but a paper cut doesn’t bleed that much, surely? and even though she’s in a room with SEVEN GODDAMN VAMPIRES, she points out said paper cut and holds it up for all to see. jasper, of course, goes mental. well done bella, nice move.
6. when Edward “dumps” her – which technically he doesn’t, he’s only ‘thinking about her safety’. shed a tear, please – she wonders why. UM, BELLA. ‘MEMBER YOUR BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU GOTZ A PAPER CUT ‘CUS YOU OPEN PRESENTS LIKE A PANSY AND JASPER WENT ALL GOO-GOO ABOUT IT. THAT’S WHY EDWARD’S ALL GONE NOW.
7. [sorry to follow on] so, Edward “dumps” her in the middle of a forest, of all places, and just leaves her there to mourn the loss of her own personal Superman. bella at this point then just shrivells up and lays on the dirty floor. why? we’ve all had bad break ups, sure. she’s sad, I can sympathise. but shrivell? pull yourself together girl.
8. why does she depend so much on Edward? fair enough, be in love. but I’d be a bit creeped out if I were him. i mean, she wants to SMELL HIM ALL THE TIME, for god’s sake. heaven forbid he doesn’t turn up at school. or spaces out for a millisecond because he thought he heard something wrong in someone’s head all the way in Korea.
9. she leaves Jacob hanging a bit, doesn’t she? I mean, i’m not the biggest Jacob fan, tbh. he turnes into a bit of a fuckwit during New Moon, but i don’t get why she can’t just give him a straight “no.” it’s nice that they’re all bezzie mates and stuff, but clearly she knows that he’s so in love with her he wants to personally rip Edward’s head off. TELL HIM NO, BELLA. FOR GOD’S SAKE.
10. going back to her being 100% dependand on Edward being her right-hand-man 24/7, she claims to be an “independant, grown woman.” UM, OKAY BELLS. KEEP ON BELIEVING THAT.
11. why is she such an ignorant twit that she has to hurl herself over a 100ft cliff into horrific ocean? anyone? so she can see and/or hear Edward. BELLA, HE’S GONE LOVE. seriously, why does she put her life in jeopardy JUST to see his face? doing so, she seemingly forgets about Alice being able to see all and mistakes Bella’s jump for suicide. OH MY GOD, BELLA. THINK THESE THINGS THROUGH. she [bella] was advised, if you like, by Edward himself NOT to put herself in any kind of danger. slipped up there, didn’t we bells? now he thinks you’ve committed suicide. clap clap.