America The Bountiful

The world is full of wonder. Sometimes, this wonder turns into a deep shame after viewing it. I like seeing things that make me LOL but the things I have in the following blog make my heart cry for America because America, you are amazing.

No words can really express what I am feeling right now. If you could see me currently, I am doing an interpretive dance which best conveys MAI DEEP SELF HATE because I cannot invent things such as the following. There is lots of me curling into a ball and rolling about. Let us first talk about this:

1. Obama (sans clothing) & Unicorns –

Obama & Unicorns. To be more precise, it’s Naked Obama & Unicorns. These gems come to us via Dan Lacey, Painter of Pancakes. To see more of these magical Obama-cronz or get yourself a poster, check out the following: Yay Link!

Hungry for pancakes? I know I am! Looks like they come with sausage. I don’t know what shocks me more – the sexily painted President of the United States, the dripping syrup, or the eyelashes of the unicorn that beckon me ever closer to the painting. The use of the Obama campaign logo at the base of the mighty, heaven bound spiral intrigues me. It screams, “American magic will dazzle you!” in not so many words. Also, Obama has a six pack. I don’t even have a six pack and go to the gym. WHY IS THE PRESIDENT HOT? OH GAWD WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I now have an interest in politics and the latest in Tanith Lee books:

Another amazing painting by Lacey –

That cat’s got talent! This painting shuns all the works in the Louvre. That’s right, all of them! I kind of want this. Not for the strange bologna coloured skin of the above song bird but for the expression on the cats face. Look at it. That cat knows it’s going to be famous. That cat is grabbing the microphone and saying “F YOU, Britain, you will bow to my every whim!” That cat is not afraid of asking for what it wants, and it will not take no for an answer.

2. The Gathering (no, not Magic) of the Juggalos –

Dear Everyone,

I would like to take this time to currently resign from life. This isn’t for anything the world has done to me but for what I have done to myself. If you didn’t know, the weekend that just passed played host to The Gathering of the Juggalos and I missed it. I missed out on THE FRESH ASS COMEDY TENT, Helicopter Rides, and eating a turkey leg so large that if you hit a B with it, she won’t be getting up (please see the 4:40 mark in the following video).

I currently believe that my life is a sham and not living up to its potential. I did not violate my parole just to go to Cave In Rock, IL to gather with THE FAMILY. I did not gather with the Cleveland Titty Committee nor did I bring my OWN COUCH to a forest to get cozy. I missed out on getting my face painted like a clown at the Dark Carnival of Souls.

Yours, Rich

Here is a video –

If you have not heard of The Gathering of the Juggalos, then your life is sad. If you do not know what this is, it is a 4 day long festival put on by Psychopathic Records very own Insane Clown Posse. I am not hating. I love me some grown ass men in clown make up rapping about ultraviolence and faygo soda.

Their fanbase is amazing. They come from far and wide and apparently they will violate parole to do so. Juggalos inhabit all facets of society. You probably know one. They are people too.

Nothing I do can ever be as original or in your face as the above topics and for this, my heart weeps.