D List Star, Have Cam, Will Pose

What is it with D list celebs and their wanton posting of n00dz on the internet? I’m sorry that you couldn’t get that other commercial ad as “Friend 2” but seriously, showing the world your parts the bathing suit covers is not the way to go about getting better “parts,” so to speak.

Just last week, some what’s her face from TV’s Gossip Girl was rumourred to have a sexy times tape somewhere in the ether. If you have yet to hear the news, please be shocked that Leighton Meester (Blair Waldorf on the series) and her talented “feet” do things in this video that would make my mother blush. I didn’t even know who this was until recently. Yes, I am doing fine here under my rock, thank you very much. Here is Leighton Meester in her mortal and clothed form:

“O hai i has sexy tape nao.”

The tape was made when she was but a fresh and legal 18 years young and very much in love with her then boyfriend.

It’s like when Dustin Diamond, aka Screetch, from Saved By The Bell, went out and made a sexy times tape. I guess he thought we all forgot about him and ne needed to reinsert himself into the TV watchers psyche. Nothing like getting reaquainted with some TV actor you really could care less about by seeing his twig and berries. Maybe if it were Mario Lopez I would bat more than a few lashes but come on, Screetch?

Yes. The guy in the above photo has a sex tape. Here he is begging for money to help save his house by selling t shirts. It surfaced about the time that he needed money to save his house. What better way to make you care about giving some complete troglodyte your money than by purchasing a sex tape? Yay entrepreneurship!

Most of these sexy tapes get out by “accident,” or by “theft.” Some things just end up on the internet because hello, nothing is private anymore. There was a time on Buzznet when everyone had photos of this dudes p33n:

It was either covered by a CD case or just swayin in the breeze. It was one of those things I could’ve gone without seeing. Thanks to the internet, my mind is no longer the same. For a while, going into the moderation queue on Buzznet was like playing Celebrity Goatse. Thanks, internet!

Speaking of nakey pictures, Rihanna’s photos “somehow” got onto the interwebz. Very NSFW.

There she is with some clothes on and a good wig. Supposedly she gave those nakey photos of herself to someone in confidence. The photos are horrible. I don’t know what it is with people not using their timers on their cam phones. You have the money to do this right, and yet you take photos from some cheap cell phone you just purchased at some local convenience store. Spend the money, the internet is forever!

If any of you didn’t know who hosts Kim Kardashian’s blog, that would be us here at Buzznet. You know, because we don’t already have enough to deal with by being in cahoots with Tila Tequila. I don’t know which of the two is worse. At least Tila “worked” for what she has. Gah. Shoot me in the face for saying that. So it turns out that Kim and her then boyfriend Ray J (ain’t that Brandy’s little brother? Thanks, LiL Kim). I’d vomit in my mouth but I haven’t had breakfast yet.

Nothing says class like posing in front of Arby’s plastered walls. Go Kim!

Do you good people remember the Troy Verne, aka Mini Me, SEX TAPE? Yes, someone had sex with that. This is what he looks like:

Oh no, wait. Those are “minions” from the a movie called “The Gate.” Here is Troy:

OH MY!

I don’t know what’s with people that are borderline “famous” and their affinity for going for the gusto with no clothes on. I know you are creating a “buzz” but please, do so with your clothes on. The internet is a powerful tool (no pun intended). What usually ends up when you’re in the spotlight is that your “privates” get exposed. Your private life is now everyone’s business and what sells isn’t you helping old ladies across the street. What sells is you texting your significant other things you should only show each other on your weekend alone in Big Bear.

Once you are a “star,” the rules of the normal world no longer apply to you. Everything you do is under scrutiny. Your private life is gone. If I ended up famous, I’d probably by in trouble and those private conversations I have on Skype would certainly be my demise.

I know there are more sexy time celebs on the web but this article already made my brain collapse in on itself. This is the part where you folks send in your fave celeb naughty bits except photoshop’ed in paint to be Safe For Work. Get to it!