WELCOME TO EARTH!
Will. William. Big Willie Style. STOP.
You have just signed yourself up for a cult that believes we all have aliens living inside of us.
And you should know better, Will. You’re going to worship aliens? DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALIENS WILL DO TO EARTH GIVEN THE CHANCE?
Seriously. I understand that Tom Cruise is charismatic and can lure you in with promises of candy or something, but if you don’t cut this shit out RIGHT NOW I am going to have to send someone else in to fix you, aren’t I?
All joking aside, I really wish we would put this Scientology crap to rest. I’m not talking about the belief in and of itself. Look, I’m an equal opportunity spiritualist, and if you need to believe that we are reincarnated from aliens dropped into lava by an evil space overlord to get you through the night, more power to you.
My issue comes from the fact that Scientology is not a faith. It is not a religion. It is a business and it is a CULT. You are charged money to become a member in good standing (while churches may ask for donations you are not going to be turned away from services because you do not contribute). You are urged not to take medications (and let’s face it, some of us NEED our anti-anxiety medications to help us leave the house in the morning). You are urged to do anything to prevent people from bad mouthing the faith. Not only is there the famous case of Isaac Hayes leaving South Park because of the Scientology episode (claiming it wasn’t right to make fun of religion…disregarding the long list of religions that had been mocked in other South Park episodes), but there is also the fact that Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson and an avid Scientologist, has claimed she will leave the show if an episode mocking Scientology is ever proposed.
Too bad she’s too late. The episode “The Joy of Sect” mocked Scientology via a parody group known as “The Movementarians.”
And for Will Smith to claim that Scientology and the Bible are 98% alike? Honestly, Will, I must have missed the part in the Bible where God THREW THE ALIENS INTO A VOLCANO AND SET UP HOVERING COLLECTORS TO RECAPTURE THEIR SOULS. Maybe it’s just me being pagan and all. But hey, I might be tempted to convert to Catholicism if Jesus had a lightsaber!
My point is, believing in something and finding strength in it are one thing. If Tom Cruise wants to believe that praying to aliens will cure his dyslexia, mental disorders and homosexual leanings, fine. But Tom, keep it to yourself. Stop evangelising, take off Katie Holmes’s house arrest anklet, and leave Will Smith alone.
And Will, think of it this way: do you REALLY want to deal with aliens again?